Showing all posts tagged real talk

Fear

Author AnthezarPosted on Leave a comment

Oh, look, it’s been ten months since I last posted.

Whoops.

I always do this to myself. I did it again. The very thing I said that I wouldn’t do, I DID. I said that I would just be myself. SCREW IT ALL, I said. And yet, I looked at my post and felt that I had started a theme/trend, one that I had to continue or ELSE.

Else what?

Beats me.

I guess I could throw out some other excuses. After all, I did clear out a borderline hoarder house, filling 8 dumpsters over the course of 6 to 8 months. (16 tons worth of crap. I’m legit not exaggerating here.). Then, I moved from NJ to Utah. Yay me.

-passes out-

Good grief, I always bury my head in the sand. My dear reader, do you do this to yourself, too? Surely, I’m not the only one. It’s taken me awhile to figure it out what’s going on with myself. I think I uncovered a tiny clue for myself.

Fear.

I honestly didn’t think I had it. I wasn’t afraid of much in life. Except losing my Mom. Oh, look. Been there, done that.

I FEAR NOTHING.

Joking aside, it’s true in many ways. I’m not afraid of the usual things anymore. I refuse, to be honest. I’ve been there once; I will not let myself be there again. But I have had fearful moments, like Zelda or Luna (new pup) getting loose and not obeying me. But I don’t live in fear.

Or, at least, I thought.

But when I can’t seem to function or when the highlight of my day is simply doing a load of dishes, it’s hard to be something. I worry that if I post something online I won’t be able to keep up a momentum. Like my FF readers… They’re still waiting on chapters for stories. Beyond 2 still isn’t done and yet I have anxious readers who want more. I have a number of readers who have expressed interest in my other series, the one that has been evolved from my TT fanfiction, Warped Identity.

And yet, here I am with nothing in my hands. I have nothing.

I feel like I have to be complete before I show my face. Maybe it’s like a makeup thing. For many women, they won’t leave the house without it. If I’m not completely together, then why try? (I can’t be bothered with makeup, so I rarely use it anyway – but you get my point.)

And in the end, this feeling rooted a hidden fear in me – one I had no idea existed. How could that happen? How could I let that happen to myself? I think that when we’re all coping with our own issues, it’s easy to let hidden fears become rooted in our hearts.

What fears are weighing you down? Maybe you haven’t noticed them, like I hadn’t. I hope you can find them and pull them out, one by one.

Too bad there isn’t a weed killer for the heart.

Anthy

Let’s Talk about Advice – (Hint: there’s too much of it)

Author AnthezarPosted on 2 Comments

So, let’s talk, my dear reader.

I am a published author. I thought of an idea. I wrote the idea down. I wrote words. I deleted those words and replaced them with words that made sense. I added words in between those words. I saved – A LOT. I read my words. A lot, a lot. I read my words again. And AGAIN. I listened to a British fake voice who read my words out loud to me. (Much love to you, Peter. – thumps chest with her fist-)

And that was just the first draft!

Kidding. I think it’s safe to say that I’m a writer. I’m an artist. A lot of work goes into creating something like a book – especially when you do everything yourself. But the focus of this introduction post isn’t about my first book and why you should read it – go buy my book – no, I want to talk about all the advice, research, and information I’ve gathered over the years about self publishing.

-soft sob-

So much advice…

ADVICE DUMP!

Write lots of books. Write an endless series. Don’t write outside your genre. Write short books. Write long books. Get a mailing list. Get a website. Get a youtube. Get a blog. Don’t get a blog. Have a web presence without the spiders. How to sell books without sounding like a sleazy salesman. Go buy my book. Earn 3k in a month. In a week. IN A DAY. How to sell your soul without sounding like a desperate devil. Someone save this poor confused shnook. How to be professional. You need something of value: give something away, like your first born child or your paperclip. You only need one book to be successful. You only need five trillion, six hundred and seventy-two billion, three hundred and twenty-four million, eight hundred and ninety-nine thousand, and one books to be successful.

“Like me!” says some random dude. “If I can write that absurd amount of books in three days, then SO CAN YOU! Just get my training videos! And if you buy within this superficial deadline that I made up for no reason, then you get the VIP price of $895! But act now, before it goes back to $900! This special offer that is not really special at all since I cycle through it four times a year isn’t going to last long!”

-sighs deeply-

As a new published author, I want to be successful, of course. I want readers to find my work and enjoy what I’ve created. I think any artist, whatever medium they use, want others to get enjoyment out of what they’ve created – like an innocent child showing a parent their drawing. Finding my readers or readers finding me – I figure there’s a process to that and the more I put off doing certain things, then the longer they can’t see my work.

But GOOD GRIEF, how 2 dew all dat. I can’t even. Wut?

I don’t know. All that advice is downright scary! And so confusing. Where to start? How to start? I’m the type to get overwhelmed pretty quickly. I can’t process all that nonsense.  I can barely write the blasted book! My poor Fanfiction readers know this! (Hi, guys! -waves-) I want to do all that. I want to be all that.

But trying to be perfect and professional… That seemed to put the brakes on my website. I buried my head in the sand and ended up doing nothing at all. I didn’t work on this website for months because I felt paralyzed. I had to do it ALL before it was of any value whatsoever.

Well, that’s no good either! I feel like to start a blog, an author website, I have to have this fancy professional web presence that’s all smiles and cookie cutter expressions. My original idea for a website was more professional with tutorials on writing because I had to ‘offer something of substance’ for people to stick around.

But…

SCREW IT ALL!

I have a beautiful picture. It will be replaced with a far more derpiful (yes, new word) one. Probably me in PJs.

I am done trying to hide my imperfections, like I’m sure EVERYONE does on social media. But no matter how much I wish it, I am not a perfect specimen. If I have to live with it, then so do you! I’m not going to aim to be a high and mighty professional here. I don’t even know what it is anymore. It’s constantly changing.

I can promise that I’m gonna be real – real sarcastic and cynical, too.

I don’t have a free book to give you if you sign up for my mailing list. Hopefully someday. I don’t have any tutorials on here. Maybe someday. BUT! I think you should subscribe anyway. Why? Because I’m gonna be real. I have some real stupid awesome stuff to say. And I have some real serious deep stuff to say, too.

I write fantasy. I write fanfiction. I write supernatural. I write romance. I write me.

Hopefully, you’ll enjoy getting to know to me. Or in the very least get a good chuckle out of your day.

Anthy