So, let’s talk, my dear reader.
I am a published author. I thought of an idea. I wrote the idea down. I wrote words. I deleted those words and replaced them with words that made sense. I added words in between those words. I saved – A LOT. I read my words. A lot, a lot. I read my words again. And AGAIN. I listened to a British fake voice who read my words out loud to me. (Much love to you, Peter. – thumps chest with her fist-)
And that was just the first draft!
Kidding. I think it’s safe to say that I’m a writer. I’m an artist. A lot of work goes into creating something like a book – especially when you do everything yourself. But the focus of this introduction post isn’t about my first book and why you should read it – go buy my book – no, I want to talk about all the advice, research, and information I’ve gathered over the years about self publishing.
-soft sob-
So much advice…
ADVICE DUMP!
Write lots of books. Write an endless series. Don’t write outside your genre. Write short books. Write long books. Get a mailing list. Get a website. Get a youtube. Get a blog. Don’t get a blog. Have a web presence without the spiders. How to sell books without sounding like a sleazy salesman. Go buy my book. Earn 3k in a month. In a week. IN A DAY. How to sell your soul without sounding like a desperate devil. Someone save this poor confused shnook. How to be professional. You need something of value: give something away, like your first born child or your paperclip. You only need one book to be successful. You only need five trillion, six hundred and seventy-two billion, three hundred and twenty-four million, eight hundred and ninety-nine thousand, and one books to be successful.
“Like me!” says some random dude. “If I can write that absurd amount of books in three days, then SO CAN YOU! Just get my training videos! And if you buy within this superficial deadline that I made up for no reason, then you get the VIP price of $895! But act now, before it goes back to $900! This special offer that is not really special at all since I cycle through it four times a year isn’t going to last long!”
-sighs deeply-
As a new published author, I want to be successful, of course. I want readers to find my work and enjoy what I’ve created. I think any artist, whatever medium they use, want others to get enjoyment out of what they’ve created – like an innocent child showing a parent their drawing. Finding my readers or readers finding me – I figure there’s a process to that and the more I put off doing certain things, then the longer they can’t see my work.
But GOOD GRIEF, how 2 dew all dat. I can’t even. Wut?
I don’t know. All that advice is downright scary! And so confusing. Where to start? How to start? I’m the type to get overwhelmed pretty quickly. I can’t process all that nonsense. I can barely write the blasted book! My poor Fanfiction readers know this! (Hi, guys! -waves-) I want to do all that. I want to be all that.
But trying to be perfect and professional… That seemed to put the brakes on my website. I buried my head in the sand and ended up doing nothing at all. I didn’t work on this website for months because I felt paralyzed. I had to do it ALL before it was of any value whatsoever.
Well, that’s no good either! I feel like to start a blog, an author website, I have to have this fancy professional web presence that’s all smiles and cookie cutter expressions. My original idea for a website was more professional with tutorials on writing because I had to ‘offer something of substance’ for people to stick around.
But…
SCREW IT ALL!
I have a beautiful picture. It will be replaced with a far more derpiful (yes, new word) one. Probably me in PJs.
I am done trying to hide my imperfections, like I’m sure EVERYONE does on social media. But no matter how much I wish it, I am not a perfect specimen. If I have to live with it, then so do you! I’m not going to aim to be a high and mighty professional here. I don’t even know what it is anymore. It’s constantly changing.
I can promise that I’m gonna be real – real sarcastic and cynical, too.
I don’t have a free book to give you if you sign up for my mailing list. Hopefully someday. I don’t have any tutorials on here. Maybe someday. BUT! I think you should subscribe anyway. Why? Because I’m gonna be real. I have some real stupid awesome stuff to say. And I have some real serious deep stuff to say, too.
I write fantasy. I write fanfiction. I write supernatural. I write romance. I write me.
Hopefully, you’ll enjoy getting to know to me. Or in the very least get a good chuckle out of your day.
Anthy