Into the Depths – Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven
Into the Depths

June 21st, 2009. Sunday, 7:05 am.

The silence was deafening.

And Dick wanted nothing more than to make it stop; yet he couldn’t bring himself to break that silence. The chasm between them felt further than the distance the Grand Canyon traversed. He could touch the man’s broad back, he was that close as they walked down a dilapidated stairway. It would take very little effort to reach out, for his fingers to brush against the man’s armor and to feel the bumpy scales beneath his skin.

He was so close.

So, why did it feel like they were so far apart?

Just how could he break this terrible silence? Dick wanted to demand the answers to his endless questions. He wanted everything to go back to as it was. He wanted those answers to settle the unhappiness in his heart and he found that he wanted to believe Slade had had a true reason for his actions.

But with every step downward, with the air turning warmer with each descent, Dick’s voice was silenced inside his throat. He couldn’t even call out to the man, unable to give him the name of endearment he’d been using for months now. John Grayson had always been Papa. Even when the young boy had been angry at his father – as every young child is at one point in life – the name ‘Papa’ was never replaced with anything else. It wasn’t a thought that had crossed Dick’s child mind.

Now, it felt off to call Slade ‘Dad’ at that moment. He just couldn’t let it slip from his lips. It was strange, foreign even. No matter how much he wanted it all to go back as it was, he couldn’t do it.

And he loathed himself for it.

The annoying part about it was he couldn’t call the man ‘Slade’ either. Just how could he get the man’s attention now? What was he supposed to do? He felt ill saying the man’s given name, after what Slade had told him. Good grief, everything was so wrong and confusing. For now, ‘sir’ might be the only option, he supposed.

Dick let out a low sigh. He had to focus on Raven, not this nonsense between Slade and himself. Bringing back Raven alive was more important than the tentative relationship Slade and Dick were facing right now.

And yet…

Dick was miserable.

And it couldn’t continue forever.

The air was hot. It was stifling to breathe deeply now. Every few deep breaths, Dick coughed softly, which only seemed to close his lungs further in protest against the unsavory air. However, the air was crisp in its quality; no humidity whatsoever.

It never really occurred to Dick to question where they were going. He simply followed the man’s broad back, his mind too burdened with his thoughts.

Then, the stairs ended. At the bottom stood a enormous doorway, bearing the blazon symbol of Trigon. Without a word to each other, Slade and Dick pushed the doorway, opening to another thin stairway. It descended down to a pathway, which was parallel with a river of lava. Stone carvings with great mouths bore open to large waterfalls of lava that slowly spilled into the river below. Their heights were taller than two, even three story buildings.

With the newly opened doorway, the air became almost unbearable. Dick had to take deep breaths to get air into his lungs. The heat stung his unprotected eyes and for the first time in his life, he wished he had a mask like the one Slade wore. He’d long lost the domino mask and even his gloves during the recent events.

But he suffered through it quietly.

The lava bubbled softly. Occasionally, there would be a small plop and a sizzling sound. The pathway was dangerously narrow. One wrong step could crumble the unstable rocks, sending one straight into the lava. Dick kept a hand onto the stone wall at his left and his eyes on the ground for his footing. His eyes wandered sometimes to gaze at the slow moving river of lava. It was different than the movement of a stream of water, slower due to its thickness.

Then, to Dick’s embarrassment, the man stopped abruptly and Dick bumped into that broad back. He took a step back, silently keeping his head down. What to say, what to say; what the heck do I say?

“The landscape has changed slightly,” said Slade.

Dick looked up. The pathway had ended. Ahead, there was nothing but a sea of lava. There was no way to cross it without the help of someone like Starfire, Raven, or Beast Boy. Except…

“Awfully convenient, wouldn’t you say?” said Slade, almost sardonically.

Dick looked up at the man’s masked face to see the direction of his gaze. In the lava, untainted by the extreme heat, was a metal boat.

Hold up…

“Shouldn’t it have sunk by now?” asked Dick. He cringed at himself. His voice was painfully timid and soft. That had to be fixed immediately. He wasn’t going to let the man think he was subdued by earlier actions or words. Dick was stronger than that. He cleared his throat. His lungs had continual trouble, however.

“It would seem that it was left for us,” said Slade, his tone turning darker. “It’s almost too perfect, too conveniently placed. Perhaps this is futile from the beginning. Trigon might be mocking us.”

Dick glanced at the boat again. It hadn’t sunk into the lava yet. It appeared perfectly content to float there, as if it weren’t surrounded by a sea of hot molten lava, but floating gently in a river of harmless water. Well, there was nothing to be gained standing there and staring at it. If this was their ride to Raven, so be it. Who cared if it was ‘conveniently’ placed there by Trigon?

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” said Dick. He stepped forward, about to untie the rope that kept the boat from floating away, when a hand on his shoulder held him back. He turned slightly to look back at the man. The shadows hid what little physical feature could normally be seen.

Irritating.

“Wait a minute. We need to think this through,” said Slade.

“And while you think, I’ll be getting in the boat,” said Dick, shrugging the man’s hand from his shoulder. He tried not to glare at the man, but he wasn’t sure how effective his restraint was – not that he cared. Should he also mention his tone wasn’t exactly respectful?

Nah.

“Dick—”

“You know what?” said Dick, overriding Slade as he whirled around. He took a cautionary step back as he did so. “Just don’t, okay? I don’t want to hear it.”

“Excuse me?” whispered Slade, his voice entering that all too familiar danger zone. Dick wasn’t letting it frighten him; the hairs on the back of his neck rose anyway.

“I don’t want to hear anything from you,” said Dick, crossing his arms. No more small talk. No more lies. No more secrets. Can’t you see how tired I am of it all? Do something, tell me something, anything! “I might be coming with you, but you can’t boss me around. All right? So, I’m getting in the boat and you can come with me – or not, I don’t really care.”

Dick turned away, but was once again stopped, this time by a firm hand on his upper arm. He was jerked back away from the boat and for a brief moment, Dick thought he had pushed the man too far. Then, a whisper entered his ear.

“I have little time for your rebelliousness, Dick,” whispered Slade. “If this was a river with normal water, then we’d be in it and on our way without another word. But this is lava. We need to think this through. Now stop behaving like a bratty child.”

Dick tried to pull away, but the man’s grip on his arm tightened. He whirled around, finally jerking his arm away. He glared at Slade.

“Don’t tell me what to do. I’m acting just fine.”

“Oh, really? Your poor attitude is slowly us down.”

“I was getting in the boat!” shouted Dick, pointing at said object with incredulity. “You’re the one who stopped me.”

“Are you even hearing yourself?” said Slade, sounding exasperated. “Are you looking for a fight over something so trivial? Now? Of all times?!”

“I want answers!” demanded Dick. His fists clenched at his sides. “I want to know why. I can’t bear another minute like this!”

Slade sighed. He put a hand to the forehead of his mask. Silence passed for a few moments.

“Why did you take Raven?” asked Dick, his voice soft. Then, it rose quickly. “Why couldn’t you help stop this? We wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!”

“And just how would you know that?” whispered Slade. “How do you know? My involvement was minimum. This would’ve happened with or without my interference.”

“Bull crap!” shouted Dick. The man’s hand dropped.

“You’ve already been disciplined for inappropriate language,” snapped Slade. “I would avoid making the same mistake twice in a row or this is going to be a long day for the both of us. And while I’m at it, drop this attitude you have with me. I am still your father and you will show me respect.”

“Hey, you’ve got to earn that, you know?”

“I’ve never had to earn respect,” snapped Slade, an irritated lilt in his tone. “I have always expected it from you, whether you liked it or not. Now fix your attitude immediately.”

“No! Now give me answers!”

There was an audible growl. Slade grabbed him by the upper arm again, this time pulling Dick to the side. Dick knew what the man was going for and he wasn’t about to let him reach his objective. He jerked his arm, trying to rip it out of Slade’s iron grip. Dick wrestled backwards, unable to get the man to let him go.

“Don’t even try!” shouted Dick, struggling fiercely. “You can’t force submission out of me now! I want answers from you!”

Slade grabbed him by the shoulders, his hands digging into his flesh, before shaking him once.

“Stop this!” shouted Slade. Dick stilled, dropping his head and staring at the ground. There was an exasperated huff of air. “Good grief, what has gotten into you? You’re acting like a child—”

“I am a child!” shouted Dick, whipping his head up to glare at the man. “Or so you’ve told me a thousand times. What, now I can’t act like one? Since it’s not convenient for you? You can’t have it both ways! You always tell me I’m a child – well, guess what?” Dick’s voice rose to its peak, almost to a deafening sound. Yet, as he cried out every word, his eyes burned. “You’re right! I’m a child whose father did something horribly unforgiveable, yet I want to understand why; I want him to tell me everything; I want it to go away; I want it to stop; I just want everything to go back like it was.”

Tears were slipping his cheeks. The large hands on his shoulders squeezed gently. Dick ducked his head; he lifted a hand to his face, roughly wiping his stinging tears away.

“Excuse me for acting like a child who wants his father back,” whispered Dick.

Slade let out a tired sigh. A hand lifted from Dick’s shoulder to rest against the back of his head. Gloved fingers carded through his hair. Then, the hand pulled Dick forward, until he was pressed against a firm chest.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Slade. His hand continued to card through black locks of hair. Dick closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Dick. I knew this would be hard on you.”

Plop.

Plop.

Plop.

It was easy to forget everything in this position. It was easy to forget the bubbling lava at their side; it was easy to forget the oppressive hot air; it was easy to forget why they were down here in the first place – these times where Slade reached out and held him close made everything disappear.

But the problems still bubbled beneath the surface, ready to explode forth with devastating destruction.

“I… struck a deal with Trigon; a contract, you could say.”

How obvious could it have been?

“No, really? I couldn’t tell,” deadpanned Dick, knowing full well that was uncalled for; there was a light rap to the back of his head.

“Enough with the lip, already! You asked, now be silent and let me explain.”

Dick nodded against the man’s chest. Fingers gently continued to card through the back of his hair. It was a soothing motion and Dick couldn’t stop himself from shutting his eyes. He felt the man draw in a deep breath, before exhaling slowly, the sensations reverberating through Dick’s forehead.

“The contract was a two way deal. I do something for Trigon, he was to do something in return.”

Dick stiffened; his blood chilled. His breath caught inside his throat. Starfire’s voice lifted inside his mind, one phrase drawing all his hope away with it.

‘Trigon is the master of death.’

It was then that Dick put all the pieces of the puzzle together; the image was heartbreaking.

Hands lifted on their own accord and pushed away from the firm, comforting chest. Warmth slipped away from Dick’s hair as that large hand pulled back. Dick slowly glanced up at that horrible mask, the black side shadowing what would’ve been the man’s black eye patch and the orange side lighting to a steel grey blue eye. The lighting of their location still didn’t give enough brightness to reveal the man’s emotions.

Dick hated it.

He took a step backwards. His arms curled around his chest. The master of death. Well, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. So, was Cyborg right, after all? Maybe so. Dick wasn’t sure if he could handle the rollercoaster of emotions he’d been going through during recent events. Now, it felt as if he’d gone down a sudden drop, with his heart in his stomach and his stomach in his throat.

Blood was better, after all, wasn’t it?

“Dick, whatever you’re thinking, please let me explain,” said Slade, his tone almost pleading. Dick shook his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand. Slade took a step towards him, but Dick withdrew from the man.

“I’m not thinking anything.”

“The lack of color in your face says otherwise.”

Dick turned away, his eyes gazing over the sea of lava. His vision blurred.

“Dick—”

“I’m fine; I get it. You don’t have to say anything more.”

“No, you don’t.”

Dick roughly wiped his hand over his eyes, the moisture soaking into his skin. He wished it would stop. He felt a hand on his shoulder; Dick leaned forward to pull away. The hand slipped off. He heard a long draw of breath, as if the man wanted to say something. The silence lasted far too long. Finally, Slade let out a low sigh.

“We need to keep moving. Let’s get into the boat. We’ll talk there.”

Dick only nodded, knowing his voice wasn’t strong enough. He avoided looking at the man at all costs. He got into the boat and sat at the back, leaning his elbow onto the metal edge and resting his chin in his hand. He kept his gaze towards the side as Slade entered the boat. The man gave out another sigh, one of longsuffering.

As the dangerous lull of the bubbling lava entered Dick’s ears, he briefly wondered what it would’ve been like if none of this had ever happened. If Dick hadn’t experienced certain events, what would his life be like then? Would he have been spared from the pain he was currently feeling through every section of his heart?

If there were no emotional ties to this man, would he still have felt the crushing weight of betrayal like this?

He got it. Even more, he understood it. It made sense, and for a brief moment, Dick had to wonder if he had been presented with such an opportunity, would he jump at the chance to bring back the two people he missed most? He knew his mother and father were fine, but they weren’t with him. To be reunited with them, even for a minute, was the one thing Dick had craved for years. Yet, he’d had to keep stepping forward without their presence.

Dick understood. He didn’t fault the man for it. Not at all.

But it still hurt.

“Dick, you wanted me to explain,” said Slade quietly. “Are you going to listen or not?”

Dick shrugged. There was an exasperated sigh. The man was doing that a lot.

“Will you look at me, please?”

Dick shook his head and continued to stare at a nearby waterfall of lava. It slowly passed from his sight. His eyes locked onto the next one.

“Dick—” There was a sharp exhale. “There were numerous reasons why I contracted with Trigon—”

“Oh, what, was one of them destroying the world?” asked Dick, interrupting the man, a dry lilt in his tired voice. He glanced over at Slade. He knew the answer now, yet his mouth spilled forward. “Just what was so important that you had to destroy the whole world? What was so important that billions of other lives paled in comparison?”

That one life was more important than all the lives on the planet. I get it. I understand. I wish I didn’t. You made your choice; just don’t try to convince me otherwise.

That one life is more important than even me.

“Not everything is black and white, Dick,” whispered Slade hoarsely.

Dick frowned. He stared at the mask, resisting the unrelenting urge to rip it off.

“Excuse me?” whispered Dick. He let out a low, even harsh laugh. “What, this is the man who always said it’s black and white, kill or be killed. You’re telling me this now?” His tone rose with every word, the heated indignation burning his throat. “What happened to that man who claimed there was no grey area? ‘Death was the only option for enemies’ and all that bull. Weren’t you the one who always thought that way, who lived that way, who nearly forced me to live that way?”

Slade sucked in his breath. He bowed his head, his hands crawling beside his neck. Dick watched at the man visibly breathed. Then, Slade lifted his head.

“That man adopted a rather precocious and remarkable son, who changed him in ways he hadn’t thought possible,” whispered Slade.

Heat pricked at Dick’s eyes. He glanced away.

“You need to understand something,” continued Slade, his voice still barely above a whisper. “For a long time, I experienced no change or growth in my life. It was as if time had frozen every aspect in my body, even down to my very soul. Any time I tried to push myself physically or even mentally, it was easy. It was too easy. Before that, power had come through blood, sweat, and tears. It took work and that was satisfying. I came from years of change and growth as a man in the military. But because of my newfound powers and abilities, my growth became stagnant. I didn’t need to grow; there was no challenge. I was perfect.”

There was another sigh, more gentle in nature this time.

“Not really, though. I’m sure Will would tell you my personality needed work.”

Dick refrained from giving a well deserved, ‘Ya think?’

“But then,” started Slade, with such a softness in his voice that Dick was drawn back to look into that mask for the sole reminder of life; grey blue. “You came into my life and everything changed. If it hadn’t been for you, I would still be that same man and I’m thankful I’m not. Looking back, I embrace the change I’d been searching for.”

The line which drew that separation of colors on Slade’s mask blurred in Dick’s vision.

“Everything I do now, I think of you. I think of how it will impact you. My thoughts are consumed with your welfare. How should I continue to raise you into manhood? Am I doing the right things? Am I making the right impressions? I am literally terrified about making a mistake with you, when I had never been afraid of anything due to my near invincibility. It’s such a strange feeling. Maybe I’m overly concerned. Perhaps you’ll do fine without my worries and interference. Am I too stern, or harsh, or strict, or involved; the list goes on and on, I can’t stop it.”

Slade leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“I don’t mind it, though. It’s what a father is supposed to do. It’s what I was supposed to do nine years ago, but failed. I failed before, but I refuse to fail with you.”

“So…” whispered Dick. He swallowed once. He blinked quietly, clearing his vision; the tracks left behind stung. “This isn’t failing me?”

Slade put a hand to his masked forehead.

“Look, the only reason why I’m bringing you with me here is because there’s a small chance that Raven is still alive,” said Slade, sounding annoyed. “Otherwise, I’d take you, your friends, Joey and Rose, and any other survivors away to build a new life; to accept the situation.”

“You wouldn’t try to fight Trigon?” asked Dick. “You’d do nothing to change this? What happened to wanting his head on a mountaintop?”

“Oh, that desire will never falter, trust me,” drawled Slade. “But your lives are the priority and… I overestimate myself.”

Dick sucked in his breath. “What?” he breathed, unable to believe what the man had just said.

“There was no stopping this,” said Slade, shaking his head. “That is the only reason why I contracted with Trigon in the first place. If I had felt a way out of it, I would’ve.”

“But you helped him,” whispered Dick. “If you hadn’t helped him, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Blast it, Dick,” snapped Slade, exasperated. “I might be all powerful, but I’m not God.” Dick raised an eyebrow. There was a pause. Then, Slade pointed at him. “You get my point.”

“Then, why did you agree to that deal? Why contract with Trigon?”

Slade dropped his hand and looked down. “For a moment… Perhaps I thought I could be God. To bring back the dead, that’s a feat no one has been able to do. No one can really bring back the dead.”

So… I was right.

“You really did want to bring back Grant,” whispered Dick.

How many times had Dick heard the words, ‘I love you.’ from Slade? It was such a wonderful thing, to be a son again, to have a father again, who could love him like that. He knew it; he felt the man’s sincerity in it; but he couldn’t help but feel second place now. Slade would always want his firstborn. Perhaps there was something special about firstborns.

Or maybe… It was the blood that mattered.

Before an answer was given, an unnatural sound echoed through the cavern. It sizzled with a hissing lilt to its tone. They both glanced towards its source. Fire like creatures began pouring upward from the lava.

While it should’ve been annoying and troublesome, Dick found the sight a beautiful, welcoming distraction. Perfect timing to get out of this uncomfortable conversation. Slade’s reaction was different: he swore under his breath. At the incredulous look that Dick sent his way, the man pointed a finger at him.

“Don’t follow my example!”

It would’ve been an amusing moment, if Dick’s spirit hadn’t been closed. Instead, he withdrew his bō-staff from his utility belt and stood up. The boat rocked precariously. He turned around. The hissing, sizzling sounds intensified as the fire demons raced forward.

A hand touched Dick on the shoulder. “Dick—” The man stopped as Dick looked up into the mask.

“I don’t need you to babysit me, sir. I’ve been trained to handle worse situations than this. As I’m sure you know.”

The hand withdrew, as if it had been burned; the lifted weight was welcomed.

Dick looked forward and took a deep breath. With a click, his staff extended. A burst of anger tore through his chest and he use that force to swing a fiery head from off the shoulders of the nearest fire demon. Its body collapsed into the sea of lava beneath it. Dick rushed into battle. Countless fire demons tried to grab him, their fiery arms extending beyond human length. Dick used his staff to propel him forward, dropping it into the lava. He leapt forward, flying over the danger below.

One slipup and he’d be dead within a second of falling into that sea.

He landed on a small ledge of rock. The edge of the ledge broke into pieces from his weight, pebbles of different shapes landing into the lava with a plopping sizzle. With two more thrusts of his staff, four more fire demons were destroyed.

“Dick, I know you’re mad at me.”

Mad at you? No, I’m not mad at you.

“But I need you to listen to me.”

Mad doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this. But you wanna know the biggest thing I’m feeling now? Hurt. And how am I suppose to tell you that? How can I feel hurt that you just want your son back. It’s selfish of me to be mad at you.

I guess I’m more selfish than I thought.

After another leapt to a different, precarious ledge, Dick tore through fire demons with a vengeance. With every terrible feeling that ate at his heart, he put them all into his fight, hoping they would all disappear like the fire demons when they fell into the lava.

As the last of fire demons met its demise, Dick paused on the ledge he was standing on. He took a deep breath and tried not to be annoyed when Slade landed nearby. The cavern filled with the same sizzling hisses. More fire demons began to form from the lava’s surface.

“Dick.”

No answer was given.

“Would you listen to me already?” demanded Slade, obviously frustrated. Dick didn’t look at the man. There was an exasperated huff. A hand grabbed Dick by the underarm and forced his body to turn. “Look…I know what you’ve been thinking, but Grant wasn’t the reason why I contracted with Trigon.”

“Let go of me.”

“You’re not listening—”

“Kinda hard when there’s fire demons to beat up, you know.”

Dick pulled away. More demons flooded the cavern. It felt unbelievably wonderful to smash his bō-staff through the fire demons’ faces, to watch them disperse beneath his force. It was therapeutic to fight against an enemy when there was so much unhappiness in his chest. He was tired of listening now. He got his answer and he couldn’t take it. It was better not knowing. He was sure Slade was going to deny it.

‘Oh, no, I don’t want Grant to be alive. I couldn’t contract for that reason.’

Right. As if.

Dick would be lying if he didn’t feel the same exact way about Mary and John Grayson. He wanted his parents back. He wanted them in his life and he wanted Slade in his life. But that was how he felt, and no matter what the man said, Dick just couldn’t believe Slade truly felt the same, not after all this nonsense.

As Dick fought, Slade mirrored him with every fight. They worked together perfectly, there was no denying it. They matched each other far better than the old Dynamic Duo ever did. And yet, the distance inside Dick’s heart felt exactly the same. That alone made every move painful.

Slade was never supposed to be like Bruce.

When the last of the fire demons fell, Dick landed on another ledge of rock. The boat was now far behind in the distance. Slade followed, but Dick turned his back on the man. There was a harsh exhale of breath.

“Dick, listen to me – blast it! – you stubborn, overly emotional child!” A hand grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him back around. “I didn’t contract with Trigon for the sake of bringing back Grant. There are far more reasons why I did it.”

“Fine.”

It was as if Slade was desperate to get through to Dick. It was apparent within each movement and within each word. The man spoke quickly, as if getting the information out faster would be better. But it didn’t change the truth and it didn’t change how Dick felt. There was no need for this. No amount of explaining could bring make the truth any easier to understand, nor less painful to hear. Dick turned away as much as the man’s grip would allow it.

“All this time, Trigon has been targeting you. If he continued, he would’ve killed you. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“Okay then.”

“Contracting with Trigon saved your life, Dick.”

“Thanks.”

“You still don’t get it,” snapped Slade sharply, turning Dick around once more. The man bent down slightly, until Dick’s vision was filled with that black and orange mask. What he’d give for a fire demon to blast it off for him. “I will do everything I must to keep you safe. Even if it means sacrificing what little morals I have left. Nothing matters beyond your life. You don’t understand just how fragile you are. You aren’t like Rose or Joey. You can be taken from me at any moment.”

The man was nearly pleading now. Something softened inside Dick’s chest.

“You almost died. If someone is attacking you, I’ll do everything to stop it.”

There was a painful pause. The sizzling hisses returned, signifying the birth of further fire demons.

“But there’s something more. In the end, I was blackmailed into contracting with Trigon. I had no good options. It was either contract with Trigon and get a few perks through the process… or be killed.”

Dick’s eyes widened.

“While I value my life, I can’t exactly die. Immortality is a curse. But… Trigon could end that curse.” Slade pulled back; one of his hands rubbed against the metal forehead of the mask. “For a moment, it was a tantalizing offer.”

“What?” whispered Dick, the disbelief evident in his voice. “What was?”

“The offer of death.”

Dick’s breath caught in his chest. He glanced down, every sense overwhelmed by that information. Slade actually wanted to die? Was life that terrible that he truly wanted life to end?

“Dick, you’re doing it again. Stop it.”

“I’m not saying anything.”

“You’re thinking it.”

Dick whirled around and smashed an approaching fire demon with vigor. He let out a harsh cry as he threw his body into destroying every demon he could slice his staff through. Pushing his body to the limit eased his racing mind. He ignored the other body in the fight and focused solely on the task of dispatching the latest fire demons.

Within moments, the recent rise of demons faded. With a lull in the fight, there were no distractions now. Dick was torn with wanting to glare at the man and avoid looking at him for the rest of the day. Dick went with the former, putting all his hurt feeling into one look.

“You’re misunderstanding me. Again,” said Slade. He folded his arms. “No, I’m not suicidal. But when the offer of not living for all eternity was presented, I couldn’t help but be lured by it. If I didn’t have any connections with you, I might have considered it.”

“Why, because life sucks so bad you wanna end it?” snapped Dick. He exhaled softly. “I thought you were stronger than that.”

“I have to watch people I love die!” shouted Slade, suddenly unfolding his arms. “I had to watch Grant die. I thought Rose had died because of my actions. One day, I will have to watch Will die. One day, I will have to Adeline die. And above all, one day I’ll have to watch you die!”

Dick sucked in his breath, stricken by those words.

“I’ve killed many people, both in war and in contracts,” said Slade. His tone dropped like a stone. “But no matter how many times I snuff out other people’s lives, my own will endlessly go on without my say so. I have no control in this. I have no choice but to stay alive. I have no choice but attend the funerals of the ones I care about, knowing I’ll never be able to see them again.”

The lull in the fight between fire demons was over. Sizzling hissed through the air again as the army of demons regenerated themselves. But they were ignored; insignificant to the true problems at hand.

“I know I’m a horrible father,” whispered Slade. “Even when I try, I’m terrible. I don’t need anyone to remind me; I know it. What I don’t know is why you chose me. You deserve someone better, someone who can be everything you need, but you didn’t choose anyone else. You had a chance with that bat, but instead you chose me. Me, the one person who has probably hurt you the most. I… I don’t understand.”

Slade’s tone dropped even more.

“I only know you. I know you. You cried, mourned my death when you thought I had died – and that was even before I asked to adopt you. You were attached to me then.” There was a gentle exhale of breath. An endearing murmur overflowed the senses. “Silly child. If I left you now… What would happen to you?”

Time and time again, Dick tried to be angry with this man. He tried to stay hurt, to stay closed emotionally to everything this man was saying – but he couldn’t. Slade was a different man now. He had changed because of the love of a family. The change within ten months was astonishing.

How could Dick stay angry when he’d become the center of this man’s life?

“Protecting me wasn’t the only reason, was it, though?” whispered Dick, wishing for the excuse to stay hurt and angry. “Trigon offered to bring back Grant, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did.”

Dick lifted a gentle ‘well, there you go’ gesture, before turning his head away. No matter how many times he tried to remain detached, the man constantly pulled him back. But how could he remain detached after what the man revealed about himself? The man’s self sacrifice was heroic, if Dick considered it – though, he was sure Slade would be appalled by the term. Though they were father and son, they were closer than comprehension. In the years to come, it would seem they would be dear, close friends.

He was selfish. He didn’t want the man to want Grant back. Dick never felt the need to compete with Rose and Joey. They were part of the family, older brother and older sister to him. But Grant was always the one Dick was competing with, even if in the beginning he hadn’t realized it. Without a doubt in Dick’s mind, he knew Slade had chosen him to be his apprentice because he’d reminded the man of his long dead firstborn son.

Trying to overcome the shadow would be impossible.

But more so… Dick didn’t want to share.

“But I required more than Grant for my services.”

The weight of a large hand rested on the back of Dick’s shoulder. This time, the weight wasn’t fully unpleasant. He felt the man bend down. A whisper entered his ear; his eyes widened. Dick’s heart pounded in his chest, just as all the willpower to stand disappeared from his legs. His knees went weak and he nearly collapsed to the ground, if it weren’t for the strong hand that held him up by the upper arm.

“You’re swooning again,” commented Slade dryly.

“Why?” breathed Dick, ignoring the man’s joke. “Why would you do that?”

“They were important to you.”

“But…” whispered Dick; he glanced up at the man. “I have you now.”

“The originals are always best. I can’t compare to them.”

What…?

Since when was this man so noble? Since when did Slade feel so low about himself that he couldn’t see just how important he’d become to Dick in his life? Did he not see how much Dick loved their life? How could he not know how much thrived within their little household? Yes, it wasn’t like the first, but it didn’t make it any less of value.

How could this man just not get it?!

Dick’s lips thinned. “Does that mean me, too? I’m not the original firstborn son. Am I not good enough?”

There was a sharp inhale of breath beneath that mask.

“Oh, Dick… Of course not. That was never my intent—”

“If you’re not good enough to be my father, then I’m not good enough to be your son!” shouted Dick. Strength returned to his limbs. He pulled out of Slade’s supporting grasp. “I get it. I’ve been getting it. You’re the one who doesn’t get it! You’ve twisted everything, but the bottom line is you don’t have any self value. You? Of all people, I would’ve never guess it.”

Dick stood up straight and pointed at the man.

“It’s your turn to listen up. All right? You’ve always been good enough, even before you promised you’d retire. You don’t have to be anything or prove anything. Love isn’t conditional. My love for my adoptive father has never been based on conditions.”

Dick ran a hand through his hair, beads of sweat slipping down his temples.

“Okay, yeah, I flipped out earlier. But come on, you broke your promise – even if you say you didn’t. I still care about you. I still want you in my life. I want to keep living with you and Will, and Joey and Rose. Even though it’s not the family I started life with, it’s still the best family ever. You’re so clueless. Why can’t you see that?”

More than ever, Dick wanted to see the man’s expression. More than ever, he wanted to see every contour of the man’s face change with his words. Even a subtle change could be seen, if one was looking. But that stupid mask stopped it all, blocking one of the most important sections of communication.

“I’m sorry that being immortal is a burden,” whispered Dick. “I’m sorry that you’re always making decisions for me, instead of for yourself. But… I’m glad for you and thankful you’re my father now. I wish yesterday and today never happened, that we all were still back home, laughing and sitting around the kitchen table.”

Dick covered his face with his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes.

“I just want everything to be normal again.”

A moment wasn’t wasted. Dick found himself drawn into that all familiar firm chest. This time, he returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around the man’s torso. He buried his face as best he could. It was different than the freshly laundered white shirt; the scales of the man’s suit pricked at his skin, but he didn’t mind it.

“You never fail to be remarkable. I’m sorry.”

Dick nodded against Slade’s chest and tightened his hold. The hug tightened as well, Dick’s upper body being nearly squeezed too hard, as if the man feared he’d disappear. Dick smiled, thankful he wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

Then, the moment ended too quickly. He felt the man’s chest stiffen, before he shouted, “Move!”

Dick was suddenly thrust backwards. He tumbled to the ground behind Slade, his hand catching his fall, just as the man struggled against a fire demon. Slade finished it off, but another one got in a lucky shot. Its extended arm caught Slade in the face; a second later, a slice of the bō-staff eliminated it.

The duel colored mask clattered to the ground. As the fire demon fizzled away, Dick pushed himself to a sitting position and looked up at Slade. His hand burned from scraping it against the ground. Well, his wish came true; a bit too easily, but he wasn’t about to complain. Slade kept his back to him, however. The mask lay a few feet behind the man, yet he didn’t turn around.

“Dick, close your eyes.”

“What?” said Dick, raising a confused eyebrow. “Why?”

“Just obey me. Close your eyes.”

Dick waited, wondering if he should listen to the man. Well, he’d been wanting that stupid mask off. Those fire demons actually had a good use for once.

“Are they closed?”

Dick pulled his smarting hand behind his back and crossed his fingers.

“Yes, sir.”

He wasn’t lying per se, right?

It was a good thing they were hundreds of feet underground in a precarious situation with fire demons and lava, wasn’t it?

As the man turned around, Dick suddenly decided that maybe he should’ve listened to his father in the first place. Fathers do have good reasons for their instructions, didn’t they? Yes, next time, he’d obey the man. Unfortunately, that didn’t help the now. What should’ve been the – probably irate, since Dick wasn’t obeying – pristine, fleshy face of Slade, was instead a fleshless skeleton with only a single grey blue eye within a left eye socket.

Holy Jack Skellington!

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