Into the Depths – Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten
Aged Advice

May 8th, 2009. Friday, 10:23 am.

“Is it always like this around here?” asked Terra, as Dick plopped down onto the couch next to her. He sighed deeply, feeling extremely worn out. The previous shouting still rang inside Dick’s ears. His head pounded with an intense headache. After a moment, he lifted his head to look at her.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you guys always fighting and arguing like this?”

Dick sighed again, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his finger; the tired soreness not going away. Terra was referring to the argument that had just recently occurred between Raven and Beast Boy. It was really getting worse these past few days. Every time Raven saw Beast Boy around Terra and interacting with her, everything seemed to irritate the empath one hundred fold – even if it were so incredibly simple, like Beast Boy breathing too loudly.

Yeah, that’d been one of the argument subjects at one point.

At the moment, Cyborg had left the main room to console Beast Boy, while Starfire had left to try to bring some comfort to Raven. For what it was worth, anyway. Dick wasn’t exactly going to hold his breath on this matter.

Throughout the past week, poor Starfire had attempted peacemaking, but she was failing horribly. It wasn’t her fault, though. Her soft ways were just easily passed over and ignored. She tried her best, but Raven was not receptive to anything and Beast Boy was too immature to let any one point go. But Starfire never wavered and kept trying to help maintain some peace in the Tower. Sadly, it did little to lower the contention level.

For whatever reason, Raven seemed on her last nerve. This level of tension in the Tower was extremely unusual. Arguments between the young changeling and the empath weren’t strange and did happen often; however, there was never this level of animosity.

To Dick, it appeared that there was something more going on than simple jealousy. Something more was bothering Raven and it was obvious that she didn’t know how to deal with it properly. She was keeping something bottled up inside and while normally that seemed to work for her, the new element with Terra appeared to be tipping her over the edge.

And all the while, Dick was trying to keep the tempers down as best as he could. He had skipped going home on Wednesday because he had been so worried that the Tower would be destroyed the next day. Unfortunately, he was getting tired and he needed a break. He couldn’t handle this any more. He didn’t want to abandon his friends, but he needed some help and respite from the tension.

Maybe he couldn’t handle it because the nightmares infringed on his sleep every night. He felt more tired than normal every day. He could see faint markings beneath his eyes that attested to his sleepless nights. He felt worn out, to be honest.

He missed Slade. He missed Wintergreen. He hadn’t seen them in a week – of course, he missed them. Though, there had been quite a number of phone calls between Dick and his father, and even Wintergreen once talked to Dick. The old man had been blunt and to the point: Dick was missed and he needed to come home as soon as possible.

Most of all, Dick missed the gentle love that filled his home. While he felt less guilty about lying to Slade when he was at the Tower, he desperately missed his father’s comforting gestures. They weren’t blatant things. They were simple, gentle, and best of all, they were becoming more and more frequent.

The Tower was missing that gentleness now and Dick desperately needed to figure out how to restore it. He missed having that harmony between friends.

“Aha,” began Dick, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. He wasn’t sure what to say. No, it wasn’t normally like this. But in some ways, it was. There was just something different now. He managed to say, “Well, that’s just friends for you.”

Terra raised an eyebrow.

“Is that what you call ‘friends’?” asked Terra, sounding skeptical and derisive. “Because I honestly don’t see it. Raven acts like she hates Beast Boy. In fact, she acts like she hates everyone.”

Actually, I think it’s you she’s unhappy with, thought Dick dryly.

“She doesn’t hate Beast Boy,” said Dick with a smile and a shake of the head. “Raven is just… Raven.” He ended somewhat lamely, feeling there was really no other way to describe the girl.

“Uh, news flash, Dick: that’s hate,” said Terra flatly. “If that’s what friends are, I’m glad I’ve never had any.”

Dick’s heart clenched at what the girl just admitted to – a life without friends.

“Hey, family isn’t perfect,” said Dick, shrugging. “My father is an excellent example of this. I’m not perfect either, but we need to accept the good and bad in everyone. Like with criminals. I accept the fact that they have bad in them, but they also have good, too. Sadly, they have chosen a different path and I have to do my job as a hero to protect the innocents. But with family and friends, we can help each other overcome our faults and weaknesses. True friends stick around through it all.”

Terra didn’t seem swayed by his words at all. She shook her head. “I still think it’s a waste of effort.”

“Friends are worth the effort, Terra,” insisted Dick. “Family is worth the effort, too. Trust me, I’ve experienced both sides, so I know. It’s worth it.”

Terra gave him a shrewd glance, her sky blue eyes darkening as she narrowed them. Then, she leaned back against the couch and the moment she opened her mouth, Dick knew she was going to confront him on something, “You know,” she began casually, though it was anything but that, “People go to jail for kidnapping.”

Dick narrowed his own eyes.

“Really?” drawled Dick lightly, nearly imitating Slade’s own way of tone. “You don’t say.”

“You know who I’m talking about,” said Terra, her tone dark. “How can you even stand him after being kidnapped? A lot of psychologists would say you’re going through some mental issues or something. Because staying with the guy that kidnapped you, that ain’t normal.”

“Since when was anything about the Teen Titans normal?” asked Dick, a smirk tugging harder at his mouth. “I mean, please, out of the group of us, me having a father who kidnapped me first isn’t earth shattering. Come on, Starfire is an alien; Cyborg is part robotic; and Beast Boy is green. Green.”

“He’s not your father, you know,” said Terra, ignoring the side issues and staring at Dick with hard eyes. “You can’t say that in defense. You aren’t related.”

“Dad adopted me. He has legal right over me,” said Dick, stiffening at her tone and her persistence. He couldn’t understand why she was pressing the subject now. “So, it doesn’t really matter any more.”

“He still could go to jail if someone pressed charges.”

“Are you going to press charges?” demanded Dick, his incredulity fully apparent; his feelings of frustration and exasperation rising quickly. “First of all, you weren’t around, so you have no proof. Second, you’re not exactly legal yourself at the moment either.”

It was Terra’s turn to stiffen now.

“Yeah, I’m pretty aware of some things,” continued Dick, catching onto her unease. His tone turned serious. “Cyborg said that the tip we got for that scorpion was from a female. Amazing coincidence that you were there at the right time. Don’t you think?”

“What, you think I sent that tip?” asked Terra, frowning at him; shifting her weight on the couch as she flickered her eyes away. “No way.”

“Yeah, I do.” Hurt sky blue eyes met his own pair of crystal blue. He didn’t waver, though. “It doesn’t take much detective work to figure out that you were leading that scorpion into a trap. But something went wrong and it proved too powerful for you. It could’ve killed you if we weren’t there.”

“I would’ve been fine!”

“So, you don’t deny that you sent the tip and lured us out there?” There was a moment of unease from the girl, before she looked down at her lap. Dick pressed on, “If you were fine, then why did you need the Teen Titans to view your victory? Or in the case of what really happened, our help?”

Terra glanced away, curling an arm around her waist in a defensive motion. “I only wanted to meet you guys and I didn’t know how I could without proving myself,” she whispered, not looking back at him. Her arm tightened around her waist even more.

Dick let out a low sigh, slightly relieved by her reply. Her actions didn’t seem malicious. His worries had been for not, then. She hadn’t been trying to hurt them, she hadn’t been trying to trick them; she had only wanted to meet them and had been too awkward to go about it like normal people.

She probably didn’t even realize that she had placed everyone, including herself, in such danger. A part of Dick wanted to bring it to her attention, but the body language that she was emanating showed that scolding her would do no good at that moment. Dick almost felt that if he didn’t say the right thing, she would crumble away.

“Listen, Terra,” began Dick softly; his tone serious, but gentle. “I’m not sure what you’ve experienced in your life, but relationships with other people are extremely important. You can’t live by yourself – especially at such a young age.”

“I’m sixteen,” protested Terra, her tone indignant; yet, she remained defensive. “I’m practically an adult.”

Dick snorted, hearing all of Slade’s, ‘You’re just a child’ lectures inside his head with the man’s familiar, teasing, yet fully serious tone. If Dick wasn’t an adult, then this girl was definitely not one either.

“Please, I know that’s a lie. You’re fourteen or thirteen. Which is it?”

Terra blushed and looked away; her shoulders shrugging.

“The truth, Terra.”

It was ironic that Dick was requiring the truth from Terra when he himself was lying to his father. Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate that he didn’t notice this, it remained a fact that a dichotomy was occurring in Dick.

Of course, the only thing that was entering Dick’s mind was about Terra. He wanted her to come clean with him. He wanted her to speak the truth, that way she would be herself in the Tower. There were many times that Dick noticed Terra holding back. She smiled when she was supposed to, she joined in the fun when she was supposed to, but there was always something stiff and fake about her demeanor.

Dick wanted the girl to feel at home.

Terra sighed and pulled a leg to her chest; resting her chin on her knee and wrapping her arms around her propped up leg. There was a long moment where she merely stared at the carpeting of the main room. Then, her soft, vulnerable voice lifted into the air.

“I’m thirteen,” whispered Terra.

Dick sighed, rubbing his face with a hand, “I figured as much.”

“Please don’t tell the others.”

“They’ve already deduced it themselves,” said Dick, shaking his head. “We’re not stupid. The signs are pretty clear – not to mention, you certainly don’t look sixteen.” Terra blushed deeply at this and tightened her arms around her leg. Dick didn’t address it. “I’m also aware that you can’t control your powers very well and you try to hide it.”

Dick had been expecting her to stiffen again, maybe even blush. He had not been expecting the violent reaction that it produced. Her head bolted up sharply, fear literally pulsing through her entire being.

“What are you talking about?” cried Terra, her eyes filled with pure terror – as if that statement had been a full fledged attack on her person.

“You can’t control your powers,” repeated Dick, watching her carefully; wondering why she was acting like that. He flinched in surprise as Terra immediately bolted to her feet.

“You can’t tell the others!”

“What are you talking about? Calm down, Terra, it’s not a big deal.”

“Swear it!”

“Terra!” snapped Dick, standing up as well and grabbing her by the shoulders. She was a few inches shorter than him and she looked up at him with desperation in her eyes.

“Swear it,” said Terra again, the desperation that had been in her eyes now flowing through her tone. The sky blue eyes were glistening with her fear and unshed tears. Dick sighed and put a hand to his forehead, officially feeling exhausted now. After a tense moment, he looked back up.

“Terra, I promise I won’t say anything to the others, but—” He put up a hand to silence the girl when she opened her mouth to speak. “—that doesn’t mean they haven’t already figured it out. It’s not that difficult – just like your age – to figure out. Honestly, Terra, it doesn’t matter if you can’t control it now. You should’ve seen Beast Boy for the first few months with us. Even Raven meditates, so she can maintain her control. We’ll help you learn to control your powers – because that’s what friends do.”

There was a physical reaction to this as well. Something softened throughout Terra’s body and she tore her gaze away; staring down at the ground as she curled protective arms around her waist. There was a few more quiet moments, before she look back up at him. Once again, inside her young eyes was that same desperation, but this time, it was coupled with a deep longing.

Dick was greatly reminded of how he had felt himself many years ago.

“Am I… you friend?” asked Terra, the uncertainty and vulnerability undisguised through her tone. Dick smiled in relief and gave her a firm nod.

“Of course.”

Before she could protest, Dick drew her into a hug. She froze, obviously shocked by the gesture. She was terribly stiff in his arms; her own arms lying limply at her sides. That response gave Dick a strong impression that Terra never experienced such softness before. Then, in a few quiet moments, Dick felt her loosen in his hold. She didn’t return the hug, but she didn’t reject it.

But, after another moment, Dick could tell she was becoming uncomfortable; thus, he allowed her to pull away. Her once hardened expression had softened considerably. A tentative smile spread through her young features. Dick returned it.

“Aren’t you a Teen Titan now? You’re one of us,” said Dick, giving her a genuine smile. “And that means you’re our friend, right?”

Terra’s face and entire stance seemed to falter a fraction of an inch. It was barely noticeable. Something dark glimmered in her eyes, but it was replaced with that same, all too familiar longing in her eyes. The darkness quickly faded away as her lips thinned in a hesitant smile; nodding softly.

Dick didn’t have time to address the strange reaction, because the main doors slid open and Starfire walked into the room. She looked tired and very saddened. It was quite apparent that whatever talk Starfire had tried to have with Raven hadn’t been successful.

Starfire walked up to the two of them, shaking her head softly.

“I do not understand why there must be such unhappiness here,” whispered Starfire, looking up at Dick. Her monochromatic eyes latched onto his own pair of eyes, her gaze searching for some kind of answer. “Raven cannot be reasoned with. However, the contention is hurting her own heart and she does not appear able to overcome it herself. Oh, I do not know what to do any more.”

With tears overflowing, she collapsed into Dick’s surprised arms and began to cry. Dick wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to cry; all the while, his cheeks heated up from the contact. He glanced over at Terra to see that she also looked melancholy about everything.

Why did everything have to happen at the same time she came? Whatever Raven was dealing with, it was something bigger than petty jealousy – it had to be.

Dick sighed as he allowed Starfire to cry, trying to ignore his rapid heartbeat. This wasn’t even some horrible criminal threatening the city and its lives. This was just simple discord among friends. Starfire didn’t know what to do. Cyborg didn’t know what to do. Dick didn’t know what to do.

He needed help. He needed an adult. But he honestly wasn’t sure if Slade had the patience for this nonsense – Dick didn’t have the patience, to be fully honest. He missed him, though. A whole lot. Maybe Dick’s head would clear if he took a break. Maybe Wintergreen could offer some advice.

Whatever it was, Dick felt burdened by everything. On top of it all, he could feel part of his health declining. No, he wasn’t getting sick, but he was not doing very well – that much was certain. However, that wasn’t something he could fix. The nightmares weren’t stopping. Dick convinced himself that talking to Slade about it wouldn’t help anyway, so no need to open up about that.

But there was no doubt: he needed his family.

“Starfire,” whispered Dick, tightening his hold around her as he dipped his head in the folds of her hair. Her soft cries quieted as she listened. After a moment, Dick continued, “I need to go home.”

There was a sharp intake of breath; soft, strong arms tightening around his waist.

“I miss Dad,” whispered Dick, ever so softly – only Starfire was privy to these words. “I haven’t seen him all week. I don’t want to leave the Tower like this, but… I don’t know what to do any more. I need help. I… I miss him, Star.”

There was one strong sniffle inside his neck, before Starfire withdrew from the hug. Something twisted inside Dick’s heart, his entire being wishing that the hug had lasted longer. Starfire’s eyes were reddened slightly from her tears, but she quickly cleared her face and nodded.

“We will be fine for a day or so, Dick,” said Starfire, her smile watery, yet powerful with strength. “You go home. I understand. Everything will be all right.”

“You’re leaving?” asked Terra, a hint of worry entering her tone. Dick glanced at her and nodded.

“Just for a day. I’ll be back on Sunday,” said Dick, trying to give the younger girl a reassuring smile. He stepped away and gave her a wave; then, he began his slow walk to the main sliding doors. Starfire walked with him, staying at his side. Once they reached the doors, Dick stopped and turned back to Starfire. Something overtook his senses; he reached out and took Starfire by the hand.

“I’ll be back on Sunday, okay?” whispered Dick to Starfire. She nodded once, but still looked worried. Dick felt bad for leaving now, but he really needed some time away. Maybe he could find some answers from one of the two men back at the haunt. He wished that they all could have a getaway, but for some reason, things were affecting Dick more. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep at night.

Oh, yeah. Definitely the lack of sleep.

“Hopefully the Tower will be intact, then,” said Dick with a small grin – in the which, he got a tender smile in return; her emerald green eyes glimmering with gentle amusement. Her hand squeezed his in a soft gesture as he turned away, but she didn’t say anything – she didn’t have to. The doors closed just as their fingers slipped apart.

His heart skipped a few beats.

ooOOOOOoo

May 8th, 2009. Friday, 5:46 pm.

As Dick walked into the main room of the haunt, the electronic door sliding shut behind himself, he let out a low, long sigh of relief. The peace was welcomed. The clinking gears above once again welcomed his arrival. He never could figure out why Slade had those gears, but somehow, Dick would almost be disappointed to see them go. Every time he heard their metallic sounds, they seemed to anchor his soul to home.

Home.

This was home to Dick. There was no denying it. While he loved the Tower – truly, he loved everything about it – there was something so much more to this place. What it was, Dick couldn’t exactly pinpoint it. Of course, while the main room made it seem strange, the home area of the haunt was so special to Dick. It felt like a real home. The rooms were smaller than the ones in the Tower. They were cozier. There was something about the hugeness of the Tower that made it seem impersonal.

But a year ago, Dick would’ve never thought such a thing. The Tower had been home at the time, because he hadn’t been able to call anywhere else such a name. Now that he had a choice, it was too easy to choose.

His home was where his adoptive father lived.

At that moment, there was nothing more that Dick wanted than to jump on a couch and snuggle into Slade’s side; chattering to his heart’s content. He wanted to express, complain, and decompress all in one. The past week had been very trying and very stressful for Dick. He just needed someone to listen to him and even, perhaps, give him some advice on how he should proceed from here.

While snuggling up beside his father, with the man’s strong arm around his shoulders, sounded like a good thing, the subject content would more than likely make Slade tip over the edge. Dick just wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to Slade about everything that was bothering his heart. Knowing Slade, the man would probably dig out the information, even when Dick wasn’t inclined to give it.

Talking about Starfire and how he felt about her just was not an option here. Not to mention, Slade wouldn’t have the wherewithal to withstand a long talk about strife in the Tower. The man wouldn’t be able to offer any advice, no doubt, on that matter.

Thus, that left only one person in Dick’s home to whom he could bend the ear – and that man was the old man, Wintergreen.

Dick sighed to himself. If he were honest with himself, neither options sounded all that great. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone about how he felt about Starfire. He wouldn’t mind getting advice about what to do with the others – actually, he’d welcome it with open arms – but talking about himself was something else. However, he just didn’t know if there was any advice for what was going on in the Tower.

For a brief moment, he wished that his mother were here. Sometimes she knew when to keep the teasing down to a bare minimum. She probably would have poked a little teasing remark, saying something in a lamenting, yet joking tone, “Oh, my little robin is growing up! Mama’s little baby, so sweet!”

But then, she would draw him close to her – soft and ever so tender arms within an embrace – and give him her special, gentle advice. She would tell him simple things that would seem like common sense after she had said it – no doubt Dick would wonder why he hadn’t thought of it in the first place. Then, in that coaxing, nurturing nature of hers, she would somehow tie it all back together with a spiritual tone: somehow, it would connect with God. That was just who she had been and still was, even in her passing.

Even when John Grayson, Dick’s first father, didn’t agree with her, he somehow could never counter her on the subject. Finally, he had come up with a term that he had thought he’d been the first to discover.

“Your mother is always right.”

Of course, that ‘new discovery’ hadn’t been new at all, but if there was anything that John stuck to religiously, it was that term and way of life. Thus, every teaching, every opportunity for learning, Mary would always bring something spiritual into the moment. And while Dick couldn’t always understand and comprehend, he remembered deeply the comforted feelings that had poured through his soul.

Slade just couldn’t do that.

Not that there was anything wrong with it. Dick loved the man with all his heart. He was ever so soft with Dick lately and he truly did appreciate that. But there had been something extra special about Mary Grayson. Had it been because she had been his mother? Had it just been her? Was he missing the tenderness and nurturing of a mother at that moment?

Maybe.

Or maybe it had been her strength in life that he needed. Sometimes, Dick could feel Slade’s uncertainty with things, as if he were unsure how to proceed with instructing Dick in select areas. However, Wintergreen seemed to have that same strength that Mary Grayson had.

Wintergreen wasn’t really one to tease Dick too much. He did on occasion, but he generally left it to Slade, who did it often in a playful way. Would the old man tease Dick about this subject? Would he listen?

Dick took a step into the main room, each step deliberate and careful. Soon, his steps were quickening as he walked to the kitchen door. In a few moments, as his mind whirled with his thoughts, he reached the kitchen door and entered through it; shutting it closed behind himself. The rich scent of spices filled Dick’s nose immediately. Whatever was for dinner, it smelled wonderful.

Dick glanced around, but instantly noticed that no one was in the kitchen. That actually made things easier for Dick. Fully anchored in his decision, he walked down the hallway and reached the end. He didn’t make his presence known to Slade, who was probably in his room or downstairs. Instead, Dick took a right down the hall towards Wintergreen’s bedroom.

Generally, the old man preferred to read in the quiet of his room, instead of the library. On the other end of the hallway, opposite to the library, was another door, but Dick had yet to have gone into that room. He had asked Slade about a month ago, but the man had brushed him off, merely saying that there was nothing of interest for Dick up there.

So, Wintergreen probably wouldn’t be up there – wherever ‘up there’ was – and that left the only possibility.

Thus, Dick was standing outside the old man’s bedroom door. He tried to collect his thoughts about what he wanted to talk about with the old man. He found himself blushing as he thought about Starfire and what he might say about her.

He wasn’t given a moment of peace. His body quickly became anxious. The palms of his hands became heated, becoming hot with a thin, clammy sheen of sweat. He rubbed his palms against the textured cloth of his pants. His neck rose with the nervous heat as well.

Dick tried to take a deep, calming breath; his insides whirling in his extreme nervousness and unease. He needed this. He needed advice. Why was he so nervous about going to Wintergreen? It was just talking… about stuff. Slade couldn’t have been better. Dick just didn’t think he could go to Slade for this kind of advice. The old man was very wise – Dick had even seen Slade go to him on multiple occasions. So, the old man was safe. Dick knew that. There was nothing to be nervous about.

Why wasn’t his body listening to him?

On top of it all, he felt guilt for going to Wintergreen instead of Slade. How would his father feel if he knew about this? Would Slade feel bad that Dick didn’t want to go to him for this? Surely Slade would understand, right?

After all, the ideal family generally had a father and mother; the opposites creating a unique balance to the family unit – the father being the protector, while the mother being the nurturer; though, sometimes the roles were reverse. But since Dick no longer had a mother available to him, that meant he needed someone to fill that spot. Not that Wintergreen was exceptionally mothering… No doubt Slade would snort into true laughter if that came up in a conversation. But Dick supposed that the old man would have to do. The old man did have a somewhat nurturing nature to him.

So, going to Wintergreen for advice wasn’t a slight on Slade. It was just like any other child going to each parent with different things.

And besides… Dick just didn’t think Slade would be comfortable talking about such things. And somehow, Dick felt more comfortable going to the old man about this, who probably wouldn’t tease him about it.

Probably…

It took all of Dick’s courage to lift his hand and knock on the door. His stomach did a flop in the pit there as he heard his knuckles hitting the wood of the door. He squeezed his eyes shut, wondering if he should just turn on his heel and flee. But the old man’s kind voice halted his actions.

“Come in.”

There was no going back now as Dick turned the doorknob and walked inside, shutting the door behind himself. Dick hadn’t ever really entered the old man’s room before – he’d caught glimpses before, but had never actually gone inside. The room itself was similar to Slade’s in design; however, there was something more homey and inviting to the room. There were a few knickknacks on the dresser and even a few pictures, which Dick did his best to avert his gaze despite his intense curiosity.

Wintergreen was currently sitting on his small couch, reading yet another book. Dick let a smile ease his features, feeling the nervousness begin to fade away slightly. The old man looked up at Dick and gave him a smile of his own.

“Richard,” said Wintergreen, that smile brightly lifting the wrinkles on his face. His hazel green eyes glanced over Dick’s stature, which was hunched over somewhat, his hands attempting to stop wringing themselves to death. “You’re finally home. We’ve missed you. I believe I’ve never seen Slade quite so lethargic, but don’t you mention anything. How was your day? Did you see your father already?”

Dick’s heart was pounding furiously in his chest. Why did something that was so simple had to be so hard? After a moment, he slowly shook his head, still looking as nervous as ever. Wintergreen seemed surprised by the tenseness that Dick was feeling.

“To what do I owe this delightful pleasure, then?”

Dick couldn’t stop pulling the skin on his hands, automatically taking a hesitant step forward.

“I–I was wondering if… if I could talk to you about something… b–before I saw Dad.”

The old man’s smile widened softly. He set his book onto the arm of the couch and patted the empty section next to him. Dick shyly stepped forward more, until he sat down on the edge of the couch seat. He twisted his hands in his lap, looking down at them; feeling the embarrassment and nervousness of what he wanted to talk about rise within his face to heat his cheeks.

He felt a gentle hand wrap around his waist before he was pulled to sit right next to the old man comfortably. The arm stayed wrapped around him, squeezing him gently in the old man’s side. Dick looked up at him with curious eyes, making Wintergreen chuckle slightly and hug Dick against his side a little tighter.

“You looked so nervous, I couldn’t stand it,” said Wintergreen, his expression completely lifted in his tender smile. “There’s no need to be stiff with me. We’re practically family, are we not?”

The tension eased from Dick’s heart. He smiled brightly at Wintergreen and leaned into the hug. Moments of affection with Wintergreen didn’t really happen that often – except when the old man was exceptionally worried about him after a fight. But, honestly, he did have to ‘get in line’, most of the time, since Slade took up the attention. Dick resolved to fix that in the future. He was happy to have Wintergreen in his life. It wouldn’t be the same without the gentle old man who had spunk and fire.

Dick loved him like the grandfather he never knew.

“Well, I’m sure you’re here for a reason,” said Wintergreen, amusement in his tone. “Or else you wouldn’t have looked as nervous as a turkey on Thanksgiving.”

Dick let out a chuckling giggle at that. There was a pat on his arm and the expectant look the old man gave him made Dick breathe a low sigh. His head ducked and his hands began to twist themselves in his lap again, before Wintergreen turned in his seat slightly and rested a wrinkled, worn hand over them. Dick looked up. The old man was smiling gently at him.

“Calm down, child. No matter what you need to talk about, I’m sure it’ll work out.”

Dick couldn’t help but do just that. At hearing the endearing name that Wintergreen always used with him, it calmed his heart, the tension leaving his body. Many months ago, it had irritated and annoyed him to death to be called a ‘child’, but now he didn’t mind it. Because he knew that he still was a child – he was growing up, there was no doubt about that. But he still needed these two adult men in his life to guide him aright.

And he was thankful to have them.

“There was something I wanted to talk to you about,” whispered Dick, feeling his cheeks begin to flush. He wasn’t sure where to start, in all honesty. So, he started with the one that was the hardest and was the closest to his heart.

“I figured. Must be serious if you can’t or don’t wish to go to your father about it.”

The flush intensified. Dick’s next words could only come out in garbled noises of stutters and hesitancies. It was a wonder that he was able to articulate anything.

“Well, yeah… He… Well, he’s not exactly… That is to say… I mean, he’s not…”

“Quite,” agreed Wintergreen, the amusement overflowing. Dick blushed deeply again, dropping his face into his hands and leaning forward on his elbows; feeling the heat of his cheeks on his skin. There was a light chuckle as a hand rested against his back and began to rub kindly. “My, whatever it is, it must be difficult for you.”

There was only a responding nod, generating another chuckle.

“Just start from the beginning, Richard. That’s always a good place to begin.”

Dick rubbed his face in his hands, wishing he could rub the heat away. After a few moments, he lifted his face, but he didn’t look up at the old man sitting next to him. He was thankful that the hand didn’t leave his back, giving him a comforting warmth.

“Dad’s not exactly… the world’s leading expert on the matters of the heart,” whispered Dick. “After all, his wife… uh…”

Well, she shot out his eye! How is that even close to being a romantic?

“Ah, I must say with all the blushing you’ve been doing,” began Wintergreen, causing further blushing for poor Dick. “I had a feeling this was the subject content.”

Before Dick could’ve fried his brain with the intense heat in his cheeks, the old man reached out and gently encased his chin with his hand, causing Dick to look up at him.

“Tell me your thoughts, child.”

Somehow, the tenderness in the old man’s voice and expression unlocked Dick’s voice. His thoughts poured from his mouth as he told Wintergreen what had been happening at the Tower the past few days. He told of the discord, of the arguments, of the puppy love – of everything that was threatening to destroy his team. He expressed his confusion and how much he wanted to be a good leader and a good friend, but it was all becoming too much. Lastly, he softly mentioned that he, too, wasn’t exempt from some of the issues, since he also had a crush on Starfire that truly made some things difficult whenever he was around her.

Wintergreen was the perfect listener. He gave Dick his attention fully, his expression watchful and kind. He remained silent the entire time, allowing Dick to unload all the things that had built up during the past few weeks. But once Dick mentioned his crush, the old man’s expression filled with pleasant amusement and he chuckled at Dick’s reddening face.

“I am aware of that fact, Richard,” said Wintergreen, the edge of this lips tugging upward. Dick groaned slightly. Wintergreen chuckled even more.

“Who doesn’t know?” asked Dick, moaning in his hands again.

“Knowing the way of nature and fate, probably the only person it actually matters to – Starfire.”

“I’m not trying to be obvious… It’s just really hard to act normal around her.”

“I can see why you came to me with this,” commented Wintergreen lightly. “Slade would have kittens. And, of course, that one glaring fault that he isn’t an expert… or really, he’s a preschooler in this.”

Dick snorted, snickering inside his hands before he lifted upward. There was an embarrassed look on the old man’s expression as he continued.

“But to be honest, Richard, I’m no better,” said Wintergreen, sounding apologetic. “Well, considering my wife didn’t try to kill me, I’d say I’m a step up, but not by much.”

Dick realized at that moment that he knew little about Wintergreen. He knew a lot about the little things, the old man’s habits, quirks, and loves – and truly, those were important, too. He knew the soft things, the hard things – though, those came rarely – and the mischievous things. But about his early days? Not at all.

He only knew about Slade because he had asked and the man had opened up to him. Dick hadn’t ever asked Wintergreen about his family and somehow, he really wanted to know more about this special old man.

“What happened?” asked Dick, his tone soft and reverent. “Uh, that is… If you don’t mind me asking.”

Wintergreen gave him a soft smile.

“I don’t mind at all, really I don’t,” said Wintergreen. There was a pause, before he let out a low sigh. “There’s really not much to tell. I fell in love, she with me; we got married and later had a son. But as the years went by, we sort of fell out of love, I suppose – at least, that’s what I thought at the time.” He gave Dick a firm look and patted him once on the knee. “You can’t ever really stop loving someone. You can only forget or you never truly did love that person. For me, I believe time weathered our resolve with each other, until after about ten years of marriage, we divorced and moved on with our lives.”

Wintergreen’s eyes took on a sad light.

“What a waste. I never saw my son again. His mother took him with her. I tried to keep in touch, but all contact was never responded to. It wasn’t until later that I learned my son had married. A few years later, I became a grandfather. Slade was kind enough to find me pictures of them. I’ll never know them, however.”

“Why not?”

Deep emotion entered the old man’s eyes and Dick suddenly regretted asking. The answer couldn’t be good. Then, Dick felt incredibly saddened by it all. Both Slade and Wintergreen had had terrible things happen to them. It just wasn’t fair. Why was it that such things had to happen? Why couldn’t either man be given a break?

Maybe…

A gentle voice rose inside Dick’s mind, and for a moment, it trilled lightly.

Maybe you’re that special break.

As Dick looked up at Wintergreen, who was visibly trying to restrain the emotion in his face, Dick was overcome with the knowledge that he was inside these men’s lives for a reason. It wasn’t just Slade who needed Dick, Wintergreen needed him, too.

Dick snuggled against the old man’s side; his hand sliding into a wrinkled one and squeezing it gently. He received a smile and a squeeze in return.

“My youngest grandchild, my grandson, didn’t even get to reach his first birthday,” whispered Wintergreen finally, the emotion choking his voice. “A little under a year ago – about a month or two before you came to be here – my son, his wife, my granddaughter, and my two grandsons were killed in a car accident. It exploded. Needless to say, the remains… were more or less cremated.”

At Dick’s horrified look, the old man patted him on the knee. There was sadness throughout Wintergreen’s expression, but there was also a strength and a peace there. Where the old man had found it, Dick couldn’t be sure.

“It’s okay, Richard. I’ve come to terms with it. I never was in their lives in the first place, but I am terribly sad that they aren’t alive and are unable to continue in this life.”

It was a horrible thought that such little children had died.

“Your grandchildren… What were their names?” asked Dick, trying not to cry at the thought.

“They were Melanie, Timothy, and the youngest, Theodore,” whispered Wintergreen. “In the pictures Slade found for me, they each have the sweetest blue eyes you’ve ever seen. Only Timothy had remnants of my auburn hair.”

Dick curled against the old man’s side again, wishing that such a tragedy hadn’t happened to him. He did smile at the thought that Wintergreen used to have auburn hair. That must’ve been quite the sight. There were a few, quiet moments between the two of them.

After hearing such a story, Dick felt pretty silly and stupid for the issues that were going on at the Tower. Why couldn’t they just get along? They were alive. They were safe. They were well. There was honestly no excuse for such foolishness. They should be getting along, having fun, and being friends. The petty fighting, the intense emotions, and the discord were all wastes of time.

They had precious little time for such things.

“My problems don’t even compare to losing your family,” whispered Dick. “In the end, they’re just silly little things.”

“Oh, Richard. To you, they are important,” said Wintergreen, drawing a comforting arm around Dick’s shoulders. “It’s okay to be a child. It doesn’t last very long. In fact, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. You can only be a child for two decades of your life. The other six decades or more are certainly enough time to be an adult.”

Dick smiled lightly, but he didn’t feel much better. True, there was time to be young. But Dick didn’t want to waste the special time with his friends in discord like this. Somehow, someway, it needed to stop.

“You do seemed burdened by all this,” continued Wintergreen, his expression softening as he ran a hand through Dick’s hair for a moment. The gesture was gentle and Dick found himself comforted more from it. But the old man’s next words were startling to him. “Did you ever consider unloading it all in a prayer?”

Dick glanced up at Wintergreen, his eyes wide with his surprise.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” chided Wintergreen playfully, yet there was a simple reverence to his tone. “I know you were raised with such things. I know you’re receptive to this, unlike your father. So, why haven’t you sought for higher help? Your mother would’ve wanted that, yes?”

There was silence as Dick tore his gaze away from the old man, looking across the bedroom at the furniture that adorned the room; not really taking in any of their contents and purposes. His mind was filled with past thoughts and memories.

Why?

It hadn’t really crossed his thoughts, to be honest. Sure, there had been moments where he had thought about being a Christian, because his mother had been one. But that had been because when Slade hadn’t been his father, he had wanted Dick to be something he couldn’t be. Killing, stealing, being a criminal were just not things Dick wanted to be. In his desperation, that had been the reason why he had considered it.

But, in the end, it had been his mother who had instructed him and helped him in this subject. Scenes of his mother teaching him and kindly helping him kneel by his bed – all those things she had done, because that was what she had believed in and she wanted Dick to feel of its worth. As a child, Dick had listened to her. But after his parents died, he’d been thrown into a completely different environment. Attempting anything ‘spiritual’ hadn’t crossed his seven year old mind.

He’d been too busy missing them to even truly think about it.

At one point, he had searched for answers, but being so young, he couldn’t understand and couldn’t find them. He had needed his mother.

Was this what he wanted? Someone to help with this? Moments before, he had been missing the strength and confidence that Mary Grayson had when she spoke about anything. There was such a reassurance there through her. Was that why he had chosen Wintergreen to talk to about this? Because he knew that the old man would offer more than just advice?

But what could he do? Really, who wanted to listen to a fifteen year old talk about teenage angst between a bunch of friends or an insignificant – in the grand schemes of the universe – little crush on a girl? It was so stupid and silly, even in comparison to what had happened to Wintergreen’s family.

“I just… didn’t think about it. And anyway… who’d listen? You and Dad are supposed to listen me – well, maybe not you, but Dad is.”

There was low chuckling at this.

“Tell me, Richard, what are the qualities that you see in your father, in Slade?”

“Uh…” Dick shrugged after a moment, not really sure how to answer that.

“Come now, surely you have some ideas.”

“Well, he’s…” Dick trailed off for a moment, trying to think. He knew what Slade was to him. He had begun to see it long before the man offered to adopt him. Slade was strong and powerful; he was strict and stern; he was soft and gentle; he was safe and secure – and he was filled with love for Dick.

And Dick could feel that love.

“He’s got a wry sense of humor,” began Dick, feeling shy at verbalizing what he felt to Wintergreen. The old man prodded him and Dick let out a sigh. “He’s safe. I always feel protected when he’s near. He’s gentle with me, because he knows I need that. He’s strict and expects my best. He’s also… self sacrificing. He gave everything up for me, so that he could raise me. He’s also scary sometimes, like when I mess up really bad.”

Dick’s mouth went dry at that thought. The inkling that he had lied to his father was rising up through his throat. It was more than a hint, though. Every part of his heart was screaming at him, but his mind was dutifully ignoring this. His heart and soul knew that he shouldn’t have lied. The longer he waited, the more trouble was sure to build up for himself. Somehow, his mind thoroughly ignored this possibility.

It also ignored the fact that he had lied not once, but twice now.

If he came clean now, maybe Slade wouldn’t be as upset with him as he would if he found out otherwise. But that stupid, idiotic part of his brain was constantly whispering that Slade would never find out, so there was nothing to worry about.

The term ‘all knowing’ popped into his mind – a message from his heart – but he kept quiet about that one.

“Don’t forget forgiving and merciful, don’t you agree?” asked Wintergreen, his hazel green eyes twinkling with a knowing light. Dick knew what he was alluding to, but he didn’t know how the old man knew about that.

“How’d you know about that?”

“The walls have ears, dear child,” said Wintergreen, sounding amused. “But I’m glad Slade was lenient with you. It shows just how much you’ve wormed your way into his heart.”

Dick found a small glow inside his heart at those words, while at the same time, the gnawing guilt grew even more.

“Now, this ties into your question. Did you know there’s another name for God?”

Dick shook his head, listening carefully.

“It’s Heavenly Father,” said Wintergreen, a soft, reverent smile tugging at his wrinkled lips. “You just listed qualities that you see in your imperfect, adoptive father. God is a Divine Father, who is perfect. Don’t you think that He possibly has similar qualities like your father has?”

“But… isn’t He… God?”

“God isn’t just a god, He’s the Father of our spirits,” continued Wintergreen. “If God is our Heavenly Father, who is perfect and beyond anything that we can truly comprehend, and if we are created in His image, don’t you think we bear some of His qualities? Don’t you think that maybe the good qualities that you see in Slade, your father – adoptive or not – can be amplified to its greatest possibility? Think of your father in his softest, gentlest moments. There is something greater than that.”

There was a warmth that overflowed Dick’s senses at that moment. Something soft, warm, and tender tugged at his heart. For a moment, Dick truly thought he’d hear that trilling, lilting voice speaking those words. It was as if she were there, listening in and confirming what Wintergreen was telling him. Some truly impossible things had happened to Dick. It was logical to believe that even more impossible things could happen.

“Listen to me, Richard,” whispered Wintergreen, and Dick looked up at the old man. His aged, hazel green eyes were glistening with deep understanding. “Even if you don’t turn to higher things right now, I want you to know that just like Slade and I are never too busy to listen to anything you need to say, neither is God. Sometimes the first step is remembering that fact: no matter what, no matter what you do, there is always someone there to listen to you, even when we’re not here.”

A tear slipped down a wrinkled cheek. There was a sniffling sound as the old man withdrew a handkerchief out of his pocket, using it to its fullest. Dick looked away, feeling just as choked up as Wintergreen. This reminded him far too much of his mother. She would say this to him, if she were here. She wouldn’t have pressured, she wouldn’t have forced, but she would’ve gently, softly, tenderly spoken to him; the trill of her voice bringing warmth with it.

Dick dropped his head against Wintergreen’s shoulder; lifting his hand to rub against a wet cheek.

“Thanks, Will.”

“Goodness, foolish is what I am. I haven’t even given you any advice on what you can do to help your friends or your own dealings with your crush.”

“I’m good now,” whispered Dick, feeling that warm feeling fill his heart with an intense strength. He might not know how to stop the discord in the Tower, he might not know how to act around Starfire, but that was all okay. He didn’t have his mother at his side, and yet, he had still felt something from her. She wasn’t fully gone. She was just elsewhere. The words he wanted to hear from her had come through someone else and that was okay.

“Thank you,” whispered Dick again, truly meaning it.

“You are a good boy, Richard,” said Wintergreen, his voice slightly gruff from emotion. Dick felt that all too familiar guilt twinge at his heart. Somehow, he couldn’t believe those words, not when he was holding something back from Slade. But nonetheless, he was still greatly thankful to this old man.

“Thanks for listening to me, Will. And thank you for… saying the things Mama would have said to me.”

There was a firm nod and a tighter hug around the waist. There was a long moment as the two of them sat there in silence, Wintergreen’s sniffling the only sounds in the quiet room. Soon, even they faded away.

Dick couldn’t help but wonder if something like this could’ve happened if things had been different between him and Bruce. While he had figured that Bruce couldn’t have been the same type of father that Slade was now, there was still always moments where Dick wondered what could’ve been. He hoped that someone would fill that hole in Bruce’s life, like Dick had filled that same hole in Slade.

In some ways, it was better for Dick to be here for Slade’s sake. Without Dick, then things would have turned out much differently for Slade. He would still be alone. He wouldn’t have that chance to reunite with his living children. His steps would still walk down the path that he had chosen.

And Dick still would be fighting against him.

How better was it for the two of them to be on the same side? There were so many things that Dick could still learn from the man. Better for them to be united like they were – and Dick was truly happy. Even when he was still choosing something that he shouldn’t be. Perhaps, soon, he could speak to Slade about what he was holding back…

Eventually, when it wasn’t dangerous.

“We have become too serious for my taste,” said Wintergreen suddenly, in a decided tone. Dick moved slightly to look over at the old man curiously. “We must fix this.”

“How—?”

Dick’s words were cut off in a loud gasp as a strong arm pulled his upper body over a lap. He didn’t have much time to take in the scenery that was the ceiling, because a moment later, his stomach was attacked with gentle, yet insistent fingers. Gasping laughter and cries couldn’t be held back. Dick couldn’t escape – though, he did try for good measure.

However, finally, he managed to collapse onto the floor. Safe from tickling fingers, he gasped for breath on his hands and knees; his hands tensing against the carpeted floor. Finally, he looked up at the old man – who was gazing down on him with a tender, amused expression on his aged face – and complained heartily.

“Why does everyone think they have the right to tickle me?” demanded Dick, but with no real anger – more like on the grumpy side.

“Children are supposed to be children,” said Wintergreen, giving him a knowing smile that edged near a mischievous smirk. “Sometimes adults need to hear their carefree laughter.”

When Dick let a smile cross his face at that, the old man held out his hand. Dick clasped it and was pulled to his feet.

“Up you go, child,” said Wintergreen. Then, as Dick stood in front of him, the old man reached out with his hands and cupped Dick’s cheeks with them. Then, Wintergreen pulled him down and placed a gentle kiss on Dick’s forehead. “You’re a good boy. Don’t you forget that, Richard. No matter what.”

Dick blushed from the praise and nodded in the old man’s hands. He didn’t feel like he deserved that praise, however. That nagging guilt was eating at his heart and his smile faltered.

When was he going to tell Slade about the nightmare? Was he truly going to live his entire life with this horrible, horrible guilt tearing apart his heart constantly? When was he going to come clean?

While his heart begged for him to talk with Slade about it, his mind denied such petitions. The nightmare was too dark to release to the air. No one could know what was going on inside his mind. No one else could know about the taint that existed there. This was something he had to endure on his own.

At least, that was what Dick thought.

Wintergreen released his cheeks and stood up. Drawing Dick into a side with an arm around his shoulders, the old man squeezed him in a half hug.

“I think we’re ready for dinner, are we not?” At Dick’s smiling response, he continued, “Besides, I am sure your father is wondering where you are.”

With that, they walked towards the door and into the hallway. Dick was pushed forward toward Slade’s bedroom door. Taking that as a sign to go to him, Dick walked to the door; while Wintergreen went down the hallway to set the dinner table. Dick knocked on Slade’s door, waiting a moment, before he slowly opened it.

His father was sitting at his computer, but there was nothing of note on the screen. As Dick came into the room, Slade turned around in his chair and stood up immediately; coming to Dick.

“Dick, you’re home. You’re later than normal. Where have you been?” asked Slade, his eye taking in every detail about Dick – as if he were checking that everything was all right. Dick smiled at Slade, feeling grateful. At the same time, his feelings were tainted with his guilt for lying to the man. He pushed the traitorous feelings back down, trying to condemn them to their silence.

They were a bit more powerful than that.

“I was just talking to Will for a few moments,” said Dick.

“Are you okay?” asked Slade, his impassive expression now turning to concern. There was a moment where something inside Dick faltered. Was he okay? Was everything truly all right? Could he follow Wintergreen’s advice and by extension, his mother’s words? There was a part of him that was at peace with everything, but at the same time, there was something crawling through him; trying everything to deny those gentle, special words. In truth, could anything really drive out that terrible, darkness that existed inside Dick’s mind and dreams? Did anything really have that much power? What if there really was something bad inside him?

Who would want to hear a plea from something so dark as that horrible doppelganger? Dick was sure of it now – that creature lived inside of him. Did he really have any right to voice his pleas to some higher help, when something that horrible dwelled inside of him?

He couldn’t even go to Slade.

Was he really okay?

“I’m okay, Dad,” said Dick, giving the man a bright smile. “I’m okay.”

Not necessarily a lie, but not necessarily the truth.

ooOOOOOoo

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