Into the Depths – Chapter Four

Chapter Four
Supported in the Darkness

 April 27th, 2009. Monday, 8:01 pm.

As Dick entered his room for the night, he turned to the keypad next to his door as it slid closed. He quickly entered the code to lockdown his room, so no one could enter. He knew he really shouldn’t be locking his door, in case someone needed him, but he wanted a moment of peace and safety inside his room. He listened as the door clicked, signifying that it was locked down.

He didn’t move from standing by the door. His hands trembled at his sides. He closed his eyes briefly, swallowing once.

He had said that he would stay the night here. He did make it sound like he didn’t want to go home. But it wasn’t really the case. At that moment, he was trying to ignore the fact that he was at the Tower tonight, but it wasn’t really working. He wished he could’ve taken time to do the dishes, as Slade had told him to, but the noise would’ve woken Terra; thus, it had to be left until morning.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like sleeping here, it just didn’t feel the same as his room back at the haunt.

Dick turned slowly. He glanced around the room for a moment, taking in the décor that hadn’t been altered whatsoever. The Titans hadn’t touched anything in his long absence and Dick himself hadn’t done anything to change it.

There were still numerous newspaper clippings on the walls of his room in the first section that was walled off from the second section that held his bed. He tore his gaze away from the clippings, swearing to himself what had to be the hundredth time this month that he’d take down those creepy clippings once and for all. He walked to his bed and felt the relief of the clean walls within the second area of his room.

Kuroi was perched on his pillow on the bed, curled up and asleep. He could hear her gentle purring as she slept. He smiled softly, placing a hand on top of the kitten’s head and stroking her black fur. She cracked open an eye and mewled sleepily, still ever purring softly.

After a moment, Dick withdrew so he could get dressed for the night. He tugged off his clothes, laying it aside in a chair; quickly dressing into a set of pajamas. He sat down on the edge of his bed, staring at the clock that said the time in bright red colors. They looked so innocent, yet it reminded Dick of the color of blood. He swallowed once, turning his head away.

He was afraid to sleep. He didn’t want to go to sleep and see that same color in his dreams. Every night, he was having a difficult time sleeping because of the nightmares. Being at the Tower, though, made it seem just a little worse. He felt so alone here in his solitary bedroom. He was truly thankful for the kitten’s presence or else Dick would’ve made excuses every night of why he had to be back home. However, while he found a sense of peace in his other room, he didn’t like the fact that Slade could hear him if he screamed in his sleep.

The one good thing about his room at the Tower was the fact that it was soundproof.

Despite being able to be heard, being nearer to Slade brought a sense of comfort to his soul. He was too far away at the moment in case he needed the man – even though he’d been avoiding talking about this nightmare with Slade. He just couldn’t. This wasn’t the same as his old nightmares about his parents dying or being tortured by the Joker. Those nightmares didn’t seem like nightmares any more. Dick almost wished for a revisiting dream from them. Anything would be better than what he was being plagued with every night.

Would he have the same nightmare again? Would he have to experience those horrible images yet again? Would he have to endure that voice again? Was there no peace for him in the night? It just didn’t seem fair at all. There was nothing wrong with him. He wasn’t experiencing any trauma or drama in his life – at least nothing bigger than crushing on a girl. Shouldn’t he be having dreams about embarrassing himself in front of Starfire to the point where she wouldn’t talk to him any more and even moved to another planet to marry some handsome alien prince, just to get away from him?

Wouldn’t that be a whopper of a dream?

Dick sighed. He pulled his feet up from the floor, slipping them underneath the covers. He slowly curled beneath his blankets, laying his head down next to the purring kitten. Her small body filled his view completely.

If he were completely honest with himself, he would have to admit that he wasn’t just afraid of going to sleep, he was terrified to go to sleep. The nightmare brought out everything that truly frightened him to his core. It never changed. It was always the same – always, always, always the same. It was like his mind played the same movie over and over again.

However, there was one section of the dream where it truly felt alive.

It was that section of the dream that terrified Dick – terrified him to the very center of his soul with an unrelenting fear that gripped his heart with a deadly hand. In that part of the dream, he was faced with a variable that lived and breathed on its own; changing fluidly every time as if it had been waiting for him every night.

It varied. It spoke. It mocked. It laughed. It threatened.

He refused to give it a gender, even though it did have one. Giving it a gender meant that it was truly alive, that it truly had some place within his soul. He didn’t want to claim it. He didn’t want it connected with himself.

But every time he looked inside its face, he knew he was just fooling himself.

In some ways, at that very moment, he wished he were back home with Slade. The first time he had the nightmare, Slade had been there for him. Sure, it’d been a bit childish; but after seeing such a horrific dream, nothing had been better than being curled against his father’s side, feeling the man’s protecting strong arm around him as if telling him without words that everything was all right and that he was safe.

Just knowing that he could do that was a comfort for Dick, even though he hadn’t sought out the man the past week in the night. He was trying to endure it. But his endurance was waning. He almost felt like a little child, frightened by the monsters under the bed. Except this time, it wasn’t imaginary monsters lurking in the night, but true horrors and monstrosities that lived inside his very mind.

He didn’t even have his old lamb here in Titans Tower. Sometimes having that dear lamb made things a little better, a special remnant from his mother.

Dick’s lips trembled as he squeezed his eyes shut. His father had told him to go to bed early. Well, he was in bed, but he couldn’t sleep. It would be a few hours before he’d fall asleep. His mind was too much on edge. He couldn’t relax, not when he knew what would happen next. He tried to be strong. He knew it was just a dream. But sometimes hearing the same lie over and over again made it seem like truth.

But truth was truth. It never wavered; it never changed; it gave the same answer every time – the only key was, it needed to be found.

So, what was the truth? Dick wasn’t even sure any more. One week was more than enough for him to question what was real and what wasn’t. He was questioning his sanity; he was questioning his strength; he was questioning his heart.

So, why did he still refuse to go to Slade about this? He wasn’t fully sure. The man always reassured him that Dick could seek him whenever he needed to; that he would never push Dick away. Maybe the dream frightened Dick so much he wasn’t sure what to do any more. Whatever the reason, because of his choice, he was facing his trial alone.

Maybe he was making the wrong choice… Had he truly learned anything from his time away from the Titans? Wasn’t he supposed to rely on others during hard times like this? Why did he always insist on trying to bear things alone? What use was a father that he didn’t turn to? Slade wasn’t there simply to provide things for him or just to feed him – Dick could do that on his own. Slade was there to be his confidante, to be his listener, to be his unique friend, to be his mentor, to be his teacher, to be his disciplinarian, to be his comforter, to be his protector – to be his family, to be his loved one.

Dick had signed those papers wanting all that. He wasn’t supposed to forget those feelings. He had wanted that so much. He had missed having that after so many years. It was foolish to try to endure this on his own and yet he was doing it anyway. If he wanted to grow up and move past his mistakes, then he had to stop acting like he had a year ago. A year ago, he had tried to do things himself; thus, creating Red X. In the end, his choice had gotten him kidnapped and only by the course of something truly amazing had made that choice into a magnificent blessing.

Dick didn’t want to be reminded of the lesson a second time, though.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, he would talk to Slade about the dream. Tomorrow, he would unload all those horrible feelings that he was keeping locked inside of himself.

Maybe…

Probably…

Mmhmm…

Hopefully, he didn’t chicken out.

Well, not ‘chicken out’ per se, more like… not say anything.

He was doing it again, wasn’t he?

He probably wouldn’t tell Slade, if he were honest with himself. He just couldn’t tell the man. It was too horrible.

But just thinking about letting himself go to his father for comfort was bringing a small peace to his heart. Almost as if she could feel his distress, Dick felt Kuroi move from her spot on the pillow and curl herself at the crook of his neck, purring deeply; the sounds of her purring reverberating against his throat. With that gentleness and softness comforting him, Dick found himself falling asleep soon after eleven o’clock.

Unfortunately, history repeated itself.

ooOOOOOoo

The air was suffocating.

The air crackled with raging flames.

The air smelt of burning flesh.

Dick gasped, clasping his hand over his mouth. His throat burned from the horrific smells that oppressed the atmosphere. The toxic air stung his eyes, causing tears to appear there. Fear pumped through his entire body, freezing his movements completely. Only his eyes took his surroundings. No matter how much he wanted to close them, they would not allow him to do so. It was as if there were an unknown power, forcing him to view the horrific images.

The earth was ravaged.

Buildings were crumpled to the ground. Flames licked the terrain, never dying as they continued to burn and raze. Molten lava melted the very earth, the liquid flames pouring over the sea; turning the scarlet water into further melting lava. In the distance, bodies were strewn across the landscape. The earth was covered with them. Some held grotesque positions. Some were burnt beyond recognition. Dick did all he could to avoid from focusing on those images. He knew what they held was horrific.

The sky above burned with crimson blood. There was no sunlight, nor moonlight, but an infinitely red sky that promised no light. Clouds tainted by the crimson color were filled with no water, but liquid life force that filled the veins of living creatures.

Black crows with piercing red eyes were the only living creatures that were across the face of the land. Dick wanted nothing more than to throw up as he heard the brawling calls over the available flesh.

There was so much destruction. There wasn’t a single living creature beyond those demonic crows. Somehow Dick knew, he just knew that the entire earth looked like this – that the entire planet had been burned with a vengeance. He knew he was the last one left. He was all alone to witness the complete annihilation of his planet. In his mind, he knew this was a dream, he knew what he was seeing couldn’t be real. He had just gone to sleep, hadn’t he? Kuroi was probably still asleep, curled up at his neck and purring happily in her sleep. If he strained himself, could he hear her gentleness?

This couldn’t be real.

This can’t be real!

But no matter how much Dick’s mind tried to see through the logic, his eyes could only witness the reality around him. The world was dead. Everyone was dead. No living thing could exist upon a burning world. The buildings, the monuments, the homes, the businesses – everything that had been touched by human life had been destroyed. The human corpses would one day be gone, gorged upon by those dark crows. Thus, only a distant remnant remained, barely signifying that humans had once existed on the planet.

However, there was one thing that eliminated any doubts that humans had once lived there – for Dick in the least.

His breathing escalated. His mind knew what was going to come next. He could remember everything. The dream unfolded exactly the same every time. And every time, Dick dreaded this moment. No matter how much he knew he was dreaming, that he was asleep, that this wasn’t—couldn’t be real, somehow his eyes viewed everything as if it were very, very real. Tears were already forming at his eyes, but they did nothing to blur the imagery. He gasped for breath, the sobs beginning to break forth.

No matter how he tried to fight against the unknown force, he couldn’t stop his body from turning around.

NO!

I don’t want to see it!

I don’t want to see them!

No, no, no, no, no, wake up, wake up, someone wake me up!

Please…

But it was no use. He was powerless in the dream. He was powerless in this world. As he turned, another great sob broke through his lips. He couldn’t shut his eyes. He couldn’t stop from seeing them.

It was the most horrific part of the dream. This was the moment he broke down. He couldn’t bear it. But the dream forced him – forced him to face his greatest fear.

Everyone he had ever loved…

Lay mangled on the burning earth.

Dick screamed.

He dropped to his knees, covering his ears and shaking his head wildly. His sobs tore through the air, seeming to echo across the deadened world. Nothing could protect him. The flames flickered all around him, illuminating the horror that laid before him.

Mama.

Papa.

Bruce.

Alfred.

Starfire…

Cyborg.

Beast Boy.

Raven.

Wintergreen.

Slade…

Blood seeped into the ground, the metallic, organic smell of the liquid of life wafting into the air. His knees became soaked in the blood of those he loved. Dick sobbed harder, trying to ignore it all – but it was as if the dream denied him such. He wasn’t in control; the dream fully controlled him. Each one burned their image inside his mind. He saw every detail, every lifeless eye that would no longer wake. He couldn’t escape. He prayed to awaken – anything to stop the horror. Why couldn’t he wake up? It was a dream, it wasn’t true, this wasn’t happening!

One would think this was the worst part of the dream. The first time Dick had dreamed this nightmare, that was what he had thought. This was his breaking point, after all. But at that moment, he knew the worst was about to come. Indeed, what was about to happen was far worse than seeing his loved ones dead and bleeding on the ground, his skin soaked in their old life.

No, facing him was a thousand times worse because of what he represented.

“Yo, little Dickie,” drawled the familiar voice. It made Dick sick to hear that voice, one that didn’t belong to this creature of darkness. “Long time no see. When was it since we saw each other? Oh, yeah. Last night.”

Dick shivered, wrapping his arms around his chest; the tears still flowing down his cheeks. There was a dark chuckle. Then, a grey arm slipped around Dick’s neck as someone leaned against his back. A soft voice whispered into his ear, the stroke of his breath cruelly teasing his skin.

“Did you miss me?”

“Never.”

“Aww, you wound me.”

“Get away from me.”

That dark chuckle rose higher. The arm withdrew, tracing along the back of Dick’s neck to slide along his cheek, until the enemy came to crouch in front of him. Dick was forced to look into his own reflection; the skin, even down to his clothes, were burned with a dark grey and those normally brilliant blue eyes were tainted by the color of blood. The reflection version of himself had his hair spiked back, unlike Dick’s current hairstyle which hung around his ears. There was a sly smirk that slid up the doppelganger’s face as he clasped Dick’s cheek with an icy hand.

“Such a pretty face, yet so tainted with your pathetic innocence.”

Dick squeezed his eyes shut, tears seeping out of the crevices.

It was the same every time. He had learned far too quickly that this horrible creature in front of him was himself. This double was every evil thought, every cruel act, every horrible feeling that Dick had ever been capable of and would ever be capable of – this much had been ground into his head every time the dream came to its close. This creature made sure of it.

“But I’m so much better than you,” whispered his voice. Dick hated it hearing his own voice out of this evil incarnation. It was slightly deeper, slightly more feral and animalistic; as if it delighted in all that it was. “You know that by now, don’t you, Dick?”

That icy hand began to stroke his cheek with a tenderness that mocked mothers around the world. The action pretended to contain kindness and gentleness, but it held nothing but an icy, cruel touch.

“Tell me why I’m so much better than you.”

“Stop touching me.”

“Aw, you’re no fun. Tell me, Dickie. Why am I better than you?”

Dick shook his head, refusing to answer. The soft, icy hand that was stroking his cheek suddenly whipped back and cracked across his face; knocking his gaze to the side in a violent action. Pain burst through Dick’s senses, attesting to the fact that this was no ordinary dream. His cheek stung as that hand caressed the spot it had abused.

“You’re such a naughty little boy, aren’t you?” purred the doppelganger. “This would go faster if you just admitted your failings.”

Dick flicked the hand away in anger, only to be grabbed by the wrist in an all powerful grip. He was pulled closer to the creature in front of him – whom he swore couldn’t be human, couldn’t be his opposite – as those red crimson eyes gleamed sadistically at him.

“Every time you come here, you scream,” said the dark boy, soft shadows flowing from his tone. “And every time, I relish in your screams.”

“This isn’t real,” murmured Dick. “This is just a nightmare.”

His doppelganger gave out a low whistle.

“Some nightmare… End of the world… Talking to yourself. Oh, yes, you’re going insane, losing every shred of your sanity to a night terror.”

Dick gave out an angry cry, shoving the other boy in the chest and causing him to fall backwards. He hated this creature before him. He couldn’t stand it any more. He would listen to this horrific creature no more! A second later, Dick had straddled him and landed a punch to the face. His next punch was caught in the boy’s powerful hand. Those dark, blood eyes gleamed again as a smirk lifted his stained lips, a trail of blood slipping down the edge there.

“Accept it, Robin,” purred the dark boy. “You’re weak. Oh, wait… No, you gave up that part of yourself, didn’t you? You’re not Robin any more. Just plain little Dick, a stupid, circus gypsy brat without any parents.”

“Shut up!” screamed Dick, smashing his free fist into the mocking face below him. There was another dark chuckle as crimson continued to paint those grey lips. A grey tongue slipped out and licked the blood there, smearing it.

“You can’t win against me, Dickie,” whispered the dark boy, his dark smile arrogant. “I am the strength you gave up. You left it behind for something foolish. Now, you’re just a little crybaby that runs to Daddy.”

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are. You’ve regressed. Haven’t you? You were cooler before. You were better before. Now, you’re just weak and pathetic. No one wants you as a hero… or as a son.”

“SHUT UP!” screamed Dick at the top of his voice. Every time he heard these words, every time these horrible, horrible self doubts spoke into his ears with his own voice, he couldn’t help but believe them. They seeped into his mind like drenching sludge; clogging up every truth he had ever known about himself.

The strength left his body, another weak sob breaking his lips. He sunk down onto the body below him, the one that was his own, yet at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to deny that this person was a part of his soul. He sobbed into the grey chest. Then, a terrifying lulling sound came from the dark boy’s mouth.

“Shh, shh. There, there, Dick.” Another icy hand slid around his back and patted him as if trying to comfort him – a poor substitute to real comfort. “It’s okay that you’re weak. You don’t have to be anything else. It’s okay that no one loves you. You don’t need anyone. You don’t have to do anything else. I promise. Just trust me. I’ll give you the secret to erasing all that pain, hm?”

Then, there was a darker chuckle and the sound of breathing near Dick’s ear. The cruel voice entered there once more, its callous words fluttering over his skin.

“Just die for me.”

Dick’s eyes burst open, an icy chill sliding down his back. An instant later, he rolled away and jumped to his feet; pulling himself into a fighting stance.

If there was one thing Dick wasn’t going to do, it was die. Slade still needed him. That much he knew, that much he relied on. Slade, his father, would be lost without him – the man had made that all too clear, even without saying the words out loud.

This was just a dream. This was just an illusion. This person didn’t exist. He was just every evil thing incarnate. No matter how many times it acted like an old, dark friend, he wasn’t. There might be dark sides to Dick’s heart, as everything in life had a shadow, but that didn’t mean he had to accept it. That didn’t mean he would allow himself to fall and let it take over him.

He was made of stronger stuff than that – tears and all.

“You are a liar,” said Dick, glaring at the grey copy of himself. His opposite gave him a drawling smirk, those crimson eyes radiating dark pleasure, as if Dick’s pain was appetizing to him.

“No, you’re the liar,” whispered the dark boy. “After all, I am you.”

“You are nothing like me!”

“I’m the same every time we meet. You’re the one who changes. You’re the one who weakens.” Those darks whispers were beginning to slip through Dick’s defenses once again. “Will you crack tomorrow night? Will you heed my words, then? Will seeing your beloved Starfire broken and bleeding destroy your mind? Or will seeing your pretend father dead once more break your soul?”

Just a little longer. I only have to endure this a little longer and I’ll wake up. It’s almost over; oh, please let it be over soon!

“It’s only over when I say it is, Dick,” said the doppelganger, his sickening smile spreading wider. “I’m going to make you suffer, make you watch those deaths over and over again, until you scream for mercy; until you beg on your very knees, groveling in the dirt, for your relief.”

Those dark eyes took on a maniacal light.

“And when that happens, I’ll laugh. Because your suffering will have only just begun. Such a tender heart as yours has no hope to survive. I swear this to you. I will steal from you every sweet thing you’ve ever known. I will destroy your friends and your family. Then, in the end, when you have nothing left, I will kill you.”

His dark chuckle flowed into chilling laughter, which lifted into the air, just as he faded with a sickening breeze of the wind; the grey of his body disintegrating into fine dust.

Then, a mocking voice seem to permeate throughout the land, laughing at the earth’s destruction – a voice that was cavernous, fiendish, and malevolent. It was pleased with the carnage, with the death, with the horrors. It seemed to breathe over Dick’s neck. He shuddered at the heated touch, a sob cracking his voice. Dark, deep laughter flooded over the landscape like volcanic gas; a voice so unearthly, so demonic, it shuddered the very corners of the earth.

“The end is nigh.”

“NO!”

ooOOOOOoo

April 28th, 2009. Tuesday, 3:13 am.

Dick bolted up in bed, gasping deep, gulping breaths; his scream dying across the walls of his room. The roaring in his ears began to fade and in its place, he heard the gentle, pitying mewls of Kuroi. She had fallen against his back from his sudden awakening. She maneuvered on the bed until she rubbed her head against his hand. Dick’s hand slowly lifted and stroked the kitten’s head, his other hand lifting to clutch the fabric in front of his heart. He glanced at the end table. The clock blared the time – after three o’clock in the morning.

He shivered.

Dick curled his arms around his stomach, the shivering intensifying. His entire body was covered in a sheen of sweat. The night air made him feel freezing, yet he hated the damp sensation over his body. He felt hot inside his chest. Dick pushed off the covers, only to feel even more cold. Nausea rose up inside his throat. Fear pulsed through him and he bolted out of bed, rushing to a wastebasket that sat next to his end table. He doubled over the edge, throwing up the contents of his stomach into the basket. Acid burned his throat, the smell of the waste assaulting his senses. He coughed and choked, tears welling up in his eyes.

He retched until he couldn’t any more, dry heaving in the end. Dick’s stomach ached from the muscles it used. When he could gain control, he stumbled back against the bedside, his head resting against the side of the mattress and his chest heaving deeply in his breathing. He roughly wiped away the tears that had accumulated in his eyes. He stood up, grabbing the wastebasket. He walked to the other side of his room, the side partly blocked by the half wall, and proceeded to his bathroom. He set the basket aside in there and rinsed out his mouth in the sink. His stomach threatened to dry heave again, but he forced it to calm down; taking long, deep breaths.

Then, Dick walked back to his bed, not wanting to deal with the mess in the wastebasket. The foul, bitter taste in his mouth had faded somewhat, but he could still feel it lingering there. He crawled into bed and pulled the covers up, lying down and trying to bury himself beneath them. Kuroi mewled gently, as if asking if he were all right. She butted his wet cheek with her head and he lifted a hand to pet her soft fur. He closed his eyes, wishing he were back at home in his own room at that moment.

Dick never thought he’d be homesick in Titans Tower. This place was his home, too, wasn’t it? Slade’s home was merely Dick’s second home, not his first. Titans Tower had always been Dick’s very first home after his parents’ deaths.

But it seemed quite apparent that Dick was all too used to living with Slade in that home, that place which was called a haunt. After so many months there, it was only natural that it became his home. Slade lived there. Wintergreen lived there. Those two men had become his family – Slade, his father; Wintergreen, a grandfather figure. Everything about that place seemed natural; from the tiles on the kitchen floor, from the white walls, from the signs on the doors for each bedroom, to the soft couch in the family room in the basement, to the library that contained so many books, to the kitchen table that held so many meals, to the soft bed that was his own and even the one in Slade’s room he had slept in after the nightmares – every single detail made up his home.

The one he had with his father.

The bed and room he was currently sleeping in felt like a stranger’s room.

He curled into himself, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Kuroi mewled, purring softly as she rubbed up against Dick’s face; seeming to notice the distress that was pouring through her boy.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to hear Slade’s voice. He wanted to be held in his father’s arms and be told everything was all right. He wanted those horrifying images to be burned away from his memory. His breathing hitched once as he thought about enduring the night alone. He couldn’t bear this night alone. He had done so the past week, but tonight was his limit. He needed to hear Slade’s voice. He needed to know he was still there. He almost wanted to peek into each of the Titans’ rooms, just to make sure they were all right.

He wanted to go home…

Then, a thought flashed through his mind. He uncurled and dug beneath his pillow, pulling out his cell phone. His finger laced over the black surface of the screen.

Could he call Slade right now?

It was the middle of the night. It probably wouldn’t be wise to wake Slade.

But…

Slade always said that he was there for Dick. He always said that he didn’t mind being there for him any time, whether it be day or night.

Further images flashed in Dick’s mind, rising with them was the pit of nausea in his stomach. He bit his lower lip, squeezing his eyes shut and willing those terrible images from his mind. Words flittered through his thoughts; that taunting voice mocking his sanity even in his waking hours. Such things were too horrible for him to be able to sleep again. Should he bother Slade? Should he bother his father? Wasn’t that what having a father in his life again meant? That he could call upon the man at any time he desperately needed him?

That he didn’t have to endure things on his own any more?

Without realizing it, his fingers had turned on the device and pushed the call button to Slade’s cell phone. Dick pressed the phone beneath his ear as he laid back onto his pillow. Kuroi silently curled up at the back of his neck, purring softly.

As he listened to the phone ringing, Dick wondered if Slade even had his phone on or if he’d answer it – it was late, after all. Dick didn’t have his phone on at night. Slade probably had it on vibrate or something and was sleeping soundly—

The phone clicked.

“Dick? Dick, are you all right?”

Dick’s voice caught inside his throat as his breath hitched. A small wave of emotion ran through him. The man had answered. He had answered. He was alive – of course, he was. Even though it was the middle of the night, Slade had left his phone on – had even answered when he’d probably been asleep. Dick swallowed the lump in his throat. His father was there for him.

“Dick? Are you all right? What’s wrong?”

Slade’s voice sounded tired, as if he’d been awakened from sleep. However, there was a strong amount of worry inside that smooth voice. Dick rested his head more against the pillow, cradling the phone to his ear. He wished he could do that with his father’s hand, feel that warmth beneath his cheek. The phone felt so cold.

“I’m okay.”

There was a brief pause as Dick listened to Slade breathing in. Dick drank the sound in, letting that alone bring him comfort when he couldn’t have the human warmth.

“Another nightmare?”

“Yeah,” whispered Dick. There was a long sigh from Slade.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really…”

“Was it the usual nightmare?”

“No… it wasn’t a memory.”

There was silence for a few moments. The only sounds that entered Dick’s ears were the purring of the kitten and Slade’s breathing on the other end of the phone.

“If it wasn’t a past memory,” began Slade, his tone soft. “Then, it was just a dream. It wasn’t real – just a nightmare; a figment of your imagination.”

He could’ve believed that. Dick could’ve believed that if it’d only been a single dream, a single nightmare. But this horrible dream kept plaguing him, ravaging his nights with its cruelty and savagery. He had no rest from it. The beginning was exactly the same, never varying a single degree. Then, that final part of the nightmare, that moment where he was faced with something truly heart failing, it always unraveled his thinking. Some unknown force was mocking him, forcing this recurring dream upon his nights – there was no doubt in his mind. It was unnerving, to say the least. It frightened him terribly to think that something like that could come to pass.

What if the dream was warning him of the future? What then? What if it wasn’t his imagination that was playing this cruel trick on him? What if it was something more than that? Once again, even lies could be believed after being repeated so many times. If this was a lie, Dick was slowly starting to believe it. He couldn’t take it any more – the images were being carved into his very mind; the silky, evil words were being etched into his heart.

“What about… recurring dreams?”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone.

“Is this the same dream that’s been happening?” asked Slade, his tone turning sharper.

“The first time was when I brought Kuroi home,” whispered Dick. “That night that I… that I slept in your room. It’s the same dream that’s… well, that’s basically been occurring every night since then.”

There was a sharp intake of breath.

“Every night?” breathed Slade, his shock and displeasure heavy in his tone. “Why haven’t you told me this sooner?” There was another intake of breath. “So, that’s why you were up so early yesterday morning.”

“Yeah…”

There was another period of silence.

“Why haven’t you told me?”

Dick sucked in his breath. He remained silent, unsure how to answer that. Why hadn’t he told Slade that he was having nightmares? He still wasn’t sure of the answer. It didn’t make sense. Somehow, every time he wanted to open his mouth, the words locked inside his mind. The doppelganger’s words would fill his thoughts, poisoning his heart. He couldn’t bear it if those words that were seeping into his mind were suddenly true.

“Dick?” prodded Slade. Dick sighed softly, curling his face near the phone a little more.

“I don’t know. I just… I just didn’t want…” Dick trailed off, unable to form his thoughts any more.

“Dick, you’re not to hide these kinds of things from me, do you understand?” said Slade, his tone serious. “If you’re having problems and issues, you need to tell me. I need to be aware of your health and I can’t always tell if something’s wrong if you hide it from me. No more hiding something as serious as this. Am I understood?”

Something in the man’s tone completely meant business. There was no wavering there. Dick was to obey that request or else there would be consequences – that much Dick understood. It was Slade, after all. The man expected obedience, one way or another. That much had been carried into the adoption.

But at that moment, Dick wasn’t sure if he could obey that command. He just wasn’t sure if he could tell the man he was having this nightmare every time it occurred. It gave the man another opportunity to ask what it was and Dick just couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

There was no way.

“Yes, sir,” whispered Dick. There was a sigh from Slade and another pause, before the man continued.

“What is the dream about?”

Dick’s breath caught inside his chest as he was once again assaulted by the images of the dream. He couldn’t answer that question. He couldn’t bring to words the terrible, horrific nature of the nightmare – of what it entailed. It was just simply too awful to say out loud. Saying it out loud would only make it seem real. Saying it out loud would mean those words were real. Saying it out loud felt as if it brought power to it. He couldn’t tell Slade that he saw the ones he loved dead or that he saw the world’s destruction. He couldn’t tell Slade the words of self doubt that his double spoke to him. He couldn’t tell his father about someone so awful when it represented his own self. He couldn’t articulate just how frightening it was or how much it was burned into the memory of his mind.

He just couldn’t do it.

“I can’t—” Dick shuddered. “I can’t talk about it. It’s too horrible, too terrible, too everything.”

There was a long pause, as if Slade were considering his words. Dick shuddered again, curling an arm around his stomach as he felt nausea rise there again. He wanted them to stop. He needed these nightmares to stop. Why couldn’t he have a peaceful night any more? How much longer did he have to endure it?

Then, a soft voice reverberated inside his ear.

“No matter what, the dream isn’t real, Dick. You know that, right? You’re safe, no matter how terrible the dream or whatever happened there – they were merely created inside your mind. It isn’t real. You’re safe. It’s safe to sleep. I will always protect you.”

A warm glow flooded inside Dick’s heart at those words. He smiled, clutching the phone tighter unconsciously, as if wishing he could do the same to Slade at that moment.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir,” whispered Dick. “Thanks, Dad. I’m really glad I have you.”

There was another pause.

“I feel the same, Dick. Will you be able to sleep now?”

Dick’s smile grew wider, his heart warming deeply.

“Yeah, thanks for picking up. Even though you were probably sleeping.”

“I’ll always pick up for you,” said Slade, his answer swift. “Night and day, always.”

Dick’s eyes burned at that. It took him a moment to collect his emotions. He had to swallow once, to erase the building lump that had formed inside his throat.

It was nice… Nice to have a father who cared.

“Night, Dad. Love you.”

There was yet another pause, much longer than before; until, “Good night, son. I love you, too.”

The call ended. Dick slid the phone beneath his pillow, feeling Kuroi curled against his skin even closer. He wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down his cheek. Then, he placed a hand against the kitten’s back, stroking the fur and feeling her purrs vibrate against his neck, lulling him gently as he closed his eyes. With those comforting words of his father filling his mind, Dick slowly drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

ooOOOOOoo

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