Forgotten Bonds – Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Thirty-Nine
Torture Device

March 13th, 2009. Friday, 12:01 am.

Somehow, Slade did not look amused.

Yup, sonic cannon beats explosive, hands down, thought Dick as his eyes glanced at the shattered debris of metal and stone around him.

“Oh, yeah, booyah!” said Cyborg with a satisfied smirk, blowing off the steam from his cannon. Beast Boy leapt forward in the form of a vicious green tiger, growling and gnashing his teeth fiercely. Starfire flew forward, her emerald green eyes glowing ominously as she raised her hands in the air; green starbolts at the ready.

“Where is Slade?” shouted Starfire in a dark, frightening tone. “I shall rip him limb from limb!”

Raven settled to stand next to the tiger form of Beast Boy.

“What she said,” said Raven in her deadpan tone; lifting her hands and ready to attack as well.

“You led them here?” asked Slade, looking directly into Dick’s masked eyes; his impassive expression obviously showing that he was unaffected by the intrusion, yet he still didn’t look pleased. Dick quickly shook his head.

“N–no… but they sort of followed me…” Dick fidgeted for a moment, biting his lower lip. Then, he whispered so that only Slade could hear him, “They saw me.”

Slade completely ignored the Titans as he stared at Dick. There was a moment where Slade took a deep breath, his eyebrow raising as a slightly surprised light entered his grey blue eye.

“You ran. Why?”

Dick wasn’t sure what to say. What could he say? No one could understand his feelings. His body had just moved, fleeing in fear from the terrible prospect of explaining everything to his friends. He was close to Slade, but he doubted that Slade could really understand. Words couldn’t formulate within Dick’s mouth. They were locked away in his heart; sealed from bringing their releasing powers.

So, he did the only thing he could do: he removed the mask from his eyes. His hand slipped up to the edge of the material and carefully pulled it off. Dick clutched the mask nervously as he stared desperately into Slade’s visible grey blue eye; willing the man to understand what he himself couldn’t fully understand.

Dick’s eyes were filled with anxiety, fear, hope, and shame.

There was another moment where Slade stared into his eyes. His eyebrow twitched briefly. Then, the man seemed to avert his eye, before letting out a deep sigh and shaking his head as he folded his arms.

“I see. You’re still going to have to explain this to them,” said Slade in an undertone to Dick, although the Titans could still hear him speaking. Dick nodded nervously.

“I know,” answered Dick, taking a deep breath.

“Robin, what is going on? Why—” Starfire stopped as Dick stepped forward slowly. Each step was heavy as he kept his head down. He had to face them now. There was no going back. They’d never leave him here if they didn’t understand. He hadn’t turned sides, but he needed them to understand.

But showing them his face without the mask… That was difficult. But it wasn’t fair that Slade knew his identity and his friends didn’t. They needed to see him. They needed to see Dick. He needed them to understand that he wasn’t Robin now.

It was now or never.

Dick stopped. He slowly turned around, keeping his head bowed. Then, still ever so slowly, he lifted his head to look up at his friends. His hands were clutched at his sides, clasping against the taut fabric of his apprentice suit. His shoulders were slightly hunched as he faced them. The group widened their eyes as they saw his unmasked face.

“Hi–hi, guys…” said Dick, trying extremely hard not to tremble.

“Robin, are you all right, dude?” asked Beast Boy carefully, after he transformed back into a human. He looked hesitant, as if he were dealing with a skittish wild animal. “I mean, where’s Slade?”

Dick glanced uncertainly at Slade, searching for a sign of approval from the man. Slade closed his eye for a brief moment, before nodding lightly as he reopened it.

“Um… He’s right here…” said Dick, his eyes flittering everywhere but directly into each of the Titans’ eyes. He’d break down if he looked into their hearts.

“Slade is here?” asked Starfire, glancing around once. Raven caught on immediately and stared at the man with contempt in her eyes; unfazed by his unmasked appearance.

“Where?” asked Beast Boy with a confused look on his face; darting his head side to side, as if trying to catch a glimpse of the masked man.

Dick was trembling. Oh, he didn’t want to do this now. He needed to be alone. He didn’t want to have this conversation right now. But honestly, what could he say? “Sorry guys, come back tomorrow and I’ll explain everything then.”

Yeah, right.

Dick raised a trembling arm and gently pointed in the direction of Slade, who was standing next to him with a vaguely bored expression. The Titans all turned their gaze towards the man. Beast Boy’s eyes went so wide, Dick thought they were going to pop out of his head. Cyborg growled and pointed his arm towards Slade; the cannon in his arm powering up. Starfire’s eyes glowed again as she raised a hand to shoot a starbolt.

Dick found himself rushing to stand in front of Slade, his arms lifted up. Slade’s eye widened in surprise.

“Wait, guys, stop!” cried Dick frantically. “Wait—just a minute. Please.”

“Robin. What are you doing? Get out of the way,” said Raven, her hands glowing with the dark light of her power; her guard still up. “We’re here to rescue you.”

Dick clasped his hands nervously as he watched his friends.

“I—I know that. But ca—can we talk first? Please? You don’t need to fight.”

“Don’t need to fight?” started Cyborg incredulously. “Dude, this man has had you kidnapped for months! Months! We’ve been going out of our minds with worry over you! Do you have any idea how it’s been for us?”

“I… I know… But can you wait? Please?”

The Titans all glanced uneasily at each other, extremely confused. Slowly, each of them relaxed their tense states. Starfire looked extremely worried. Dick tried to look at ease and normal, but he knew he was doing a poor job at it. He was so nervous with them, he found it strange and unnerving. He turned his glance around to Slade.

“Can we talk in the kitchen, please?” asked Dick, sending Slade a desperate look. His heart pleaded for the man to let him have this. He gave the man his most desperate and sincere look that he could muster within his nervousness. There was a moment where Slade’s eyebrow twitched as he looked down at Dick. Then, there was a low, exasperated sigh as that grey blue eye averted his piercing gaze. Slade nodded sharply and turned away, walking towards the door of the kitchen. Dick let out a sigh of relief and motioned to his friends, trying to smile.

“Come to the kitchen, all right?” said Dick, smiling nervously; his entire body feeling tense.

At first, the Titans exchanged thoroughly confused looks. Then, Beast Boy was the first to loosen up and shrugged, as if saying, “Well, there’s no harm, right?” There was another awkward moment before they began to follow Dick towards the door of the kitchen. His stomach was flopping back and forth with butterflies and his heart was fluttering apprehensively.

This definitely had to be strange. Mmm, yup; strange indeed.

The door to the kitchen was open after Slade entered and Dick followed after him; the Titans close behind. Wintergreen was sitting at the table with a newspaper when he looked up.

“Richard, you’re back—”

A second later, the old man was at Dick’s side and examining the healed cut on his face.

“Is that blood on your face?!”

“I’m fine, Will. Really.”

“What—”

Wintergreen stopped abruptly as the rest of the Titans entered. He looked momentarily startled by the precession, but put on a broad smile.

“We have company. Splendid! I’ll go get us a few more chairs,” said Wintergreen happily, leaving the room to go down the hallway.

“Who’s that?” asked Beast Boy.

“That’s William Wintergreen; Slade’s butler and close friend,” answered Dick, taking a deep breath and wishing his nerves would calm down already.

“Slade has a butler?” said Cyborg with a raised eyebrow.

“More importantly: he has a friend?” said Beast Boy; his tone in complete disbelief. Dick repressed an eye roll at that. Slade walked over to the countertop and poured himself a cup of coffee; leaning against the counter as he watched the group quietly. Within moments, Wintergreen returned with two fold up chairs under each arm. He set them around the table, clapped his hands together, and looked pleasantly at the group as they slowly sat down.

“Would anyone like something to drink or some snacks?” asked Wintergreen, glancing at each of the Titans; appearing to be thoroughly enjoying this turn of events.

“Um… I’ll take a—ow!” Beast Boy was cut off with a sharp nudge to his ribcage from Raven’s elbow. He gave her an annoyed glare. “What?”

“Don’t drink anything from them; it might be drugged, you idiot,” warned Raven, sounding annoyed and exasperated by her friend’s stupidity.

“How many times do I have to say that I don’t drug children?” demanded Wintergreen, looking greatly offended as he placed his hands onto his hips.

“Seriously, guys. It’s all right. The food is safe,” said Dick, glancing nervously between his friends and the old man that was still looking quite offended by the accusation.

“Honestly, if I wanted to poison the four of you, I would’ve done it months ago,” drawled Slade, lifting his mug to his lips.

“Slade!”

Slade chuckled as he sipped his drink; unfazed by Dick’s glare that was attempting to burn into him. Seeing that it was best he wasn’t around, Wintergreen slipped out of the room with a light smile on his face. Beast Boy paled at the comment, while Raven shot the man a dark glower. But the group also exchanged odd glances between Dick and the man, as if intrigued about their interaction.

Dick slipped into a chair nervously. He kept his hands beneath the table, clasping them fretfully. His palpitating heart would just not calm down. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“S–so, how’ve you guys been?” said Dick weakly. The other Titans gave him incredulous stares, Starfire included.

“How’ve we been?” repeated Cyborg, looking thoroughly irritated through his incredulity. “How the freaking heck do you think we’ve been? We’ve been worried sick about you!”

Dick could only nod at that, swallowing once. In a way, he wished he still had those letters – could’ve delivered them in person.

“What happened? Why did you run away from us?” demanded Raven.

“Um…” Dick turned his head aside, looking down at the table surface. Oh. Wintergreen had put a new tablecloth on.

Man, this was going to be difficult.

“Dude! What’s the matter with you?” cried Beast Boy. “Why are you so… so…” He trailed off, obviously unable to voice his feelings.

Why are you so…

‘Why are you so different?’

Beast Boy’s unspoken words flittered inside Dick’s mind. He took a deep breath, feeling extremely unsettled.

He was different. Seven months was a long time – people can grow and change during that time; especially in trying situations. While Dick didn’t consider what he had with Slade as a trying situation any more, it had been for some time. Dick had always been different than Robin, but now he was even more different because Robin had slowly slipped away.

He was just Dick now.

Would he be enough? Would his friends accept him?

“I–I guess I owe you the whole story…”

“Ya think?!” cried Cyborg. He glanced at Slade for a moment before setting a fierce gaze back onto Dick. “Why does this feel like a social call? You were kidnapped by a criminal and now it’s like we’re having tea in his kitchen!”

“Uh, we didn’t actually get anything,” said Beast Boy in a pointed tone. Cyborg growled and glared at Beast Boy, who cowered slightly beneath it.

“Shut up, BB!”

“Friends, let us not fight,” said Starfire, looking worried.

“I agree with Starfire that we need to keep our emotions in control,” started Raven, although looking extremely tense herself. “But I still agree with Cyborg. We’ve… Everything has been terrible for each of us in Robin’s absence and yet, why does everything seem normal here?”

Dick bit his lower lip. Raven was right. His friends had gone crazy with worry while he was gone and he hadn’t been able to tell them he was all right until recently, but even now the letters hadn’t arrived. They hadn’t been able to read all those things he had told them.

“Um,” started Dick, trying hard not to bite his lower lip, but failing at it. “So, you’ve heard about the, uh… adoption, right?”

“Yeah! I bet he made you do it, right, Robin?” piped Beast Boy. “Held you at gunpoint or something, right?”

“N–not exactly…”

“What?!” shouted the entire group at once, in different volumes. Dick couldn’t help but flinch from their violent reactions. His heart clenched horribly at their shocked, confused, outraged, and betrayed looks on their faces. Dick ended up biting his lower lip some more for a moment, ducking his head down.

“I… I, uh, sent you guys letters explaining things…” murmured Dick, knowing that this information was slightly useless for the Titans at the moment.

Immediately, his friends set their glares onto Slade, as if blaming the man for not mailing the letters. A wry lift tugged at Slade’s mouth as he turned to his head side to side as if questioning why they were staring at him.

“Will mailed them today,” whispered Dick, still keeping his head down. “That’s why…”

Dick trailed off, swallowing once. This was so hard; his throat was sealed. How he wanted to explain things to them; pour out the energies of his soul to each of them and explain everything. But he couldn’t. Why did his voice feel so weak? Why was he so nervous around his friends? It was a terribly strange situation, but his friends were understanding, weren’t they? They’d see how things changed and how everything was all right now.

Wouldn’t they?

The emotions of his heart overflowed. It seemed too much for him to take at that moment. All his fears and insecurities were crushing him in their overbearing weight – the fear, the horrible fear that his friends wouldn’t accept him any more because of one simple choice. Just like Red X. The thought of losing his friends was just too much. Somehow, his heart couldn’t handle the stress he was placing on himself. He suddenly felt ill.

Dick started trembling. His throat constricted terribly as his breathing intensified against its obstruction. His already palpitating heart began to flutter uncontrollably in his chest; falling and lifting in a collapsing feeling. He began to feel a familiar suffocating sensation in his chest and throat. Panic and fear began to fill Dick’s heart as he realized what was happening to him.

No, no, no, no, no! Not now! There’s nothing wrong like last time. These are my friends, for crying out loud. Why the heck am I having a panic attack over it!?

Dick was already curling up in his chair as he struggled to breathe; his entire body trembling terribly. Black stars popped in his sight. The sounds around him began to close off once again like so many months before; a dull flood blocking out his surroundings. He gasped for breath with his constricting lungs, trying to calmly breathe in his panic attack, but he couldn’t seem to manage it. He knew what was going on, but he just couldn’t stop it.

He needed help.

“Robin!” cried Starfire, bolting into the air from her chair to hover over him. Cyborg was on his feet in seconds, standing near Dick.

“Dude, what’s wrong with him?” questioned Beast Boy, looking confused. Raven quickly stood up, masked worry beginning to fill her features.

Within an instant of seeing the danger, Slade had set his mug of coffee onto the countertop and was at the boy’s side in a second. Cyborg growled and his cannon powered up; pointing directly at Slade’s face, causing him to pause briefly as he stared down the blue void of the cannon.

“You stay away from him,” hissed Cyborg. “You did this to him, didn’t you!”

Slade’s only visible eye widened in anger as he glared at the oldest teen. How dare this brat threaten him!

“You are in my home,” said Slade in a terribly soft, icy tone. “You barreled inside here – which I will waiver, since I know the circumstances are odd, to say the least – but you have no right to point your weapon at me and keep me away from my son. Especially when he’s having a panic attack from your presence—now out of my way!”

Cyborg’s human eye widened in shock, his cannon lowering slightly. Slade immediately roughly pushed the cannon away and knelt down beside Dick; quickly pulling his chair out from the table and placing two hands on Dick’s middle arms.

“Dick!” snapped Slade in a firm tone. “Breathe!”

The other Titans stood helpless – Starfire lowering to the ground – as they watched Slade try to calm Dick down. Cyborg’s arm slowly lowered completely, the cannon powering down.

“Dick, look at me,” commanded Slade, his tone sharp, yet soft in its smoothness. When only gasping breaths were his answer, Slade gently withdrew one hand from the boy’s arms and touched his chin; slowly lifting his head to look at him. Dick’s eyes were glassed over as he gasped for breath, yet there was a deep set fear in those eyes.

Slade moved his hand back to its place on the boy’s arms, slowly beginning to rub both of them; sliding up and down along the textured Kevlar material.

But it wasn’t working.

It was like he couldn’t feel Slade’s presence. Everything was blocked. Slade was beginning to get a little worried now – the boy was struggling to breathe. Not necessarily a good thing here. Breathing was one of those things needed to sustain life – and that boy was having a hard time keeping up with it.

Slade moved his hands to clasp over Dick’s cheeks; rubbing the skin with his fingers and ignoring the dried blood on his one cheek. Slade could feel the Titans stiffen around him, but he ignored them. Bringing Dick back was far more important.

With this touch, Dick’s eyes started to fill with light. He blinked once, his eyes widening as he took in Slade. As Slade saw those eyes dart around the room, no doubt soaking in the appearance of his friends, Dick started to delve back into the panic attack; his breath catching once in his throat. Slade tightened his grip on Dick’s face, patting his cheeks once in a slightly sharp tap.

“Stop that. Look at me. Calm down.”

Those eyes flitted back to look at Slade. They were wide with fear, shame, and then they flashed with longing as they realized who was holding them. They seemed to latch onto Slade; begging for help. Slade slowly began to stroke the boy’s cheeks with his fingers; gently lacing over the skin in a soothing motion. Just from that action, the boy’s breathing quickly began to regulate. Every muscle seemed to loosen and further light returned in those crystal blue eyes.

Slade’s heart couldn’t help but twinge sharply in his chest at the look in the boy’s eyes. So much emotion was writhing in those crystal orbs. It reminded Slade of what happened to Dick after he finished writing those letters. All the emotions that the boy had stored in the letters were now resurfacing; his soul becoming torn from them. What he had already lived through once was replaying again and within the most strenuous situation of all.

No wonder this poor boy had a panic attack.

Slade knew Dick was worried about his friends, but he hadn’t ever realized just how much it affected the boy. He was making himself sick with the worry and fear. Slade couldn’t believe that the boy had fled from his own friends to come back – come back here. Dick truly trusted and relied on Slade with everything of his soul. Somehow, Dick had come to need Slade so much – perhaps just as much, if not more than he needed his friends, whom he had known longer.

Slade was struck with another humbling impression.

He squeezed the boy’s cheeks gently, softening his expression to be more reassuring. He dropped his voice to a low, smooth whisper; leaning closer, so that only the boy could hear him.

“Everything will be all right, Dick.”

Dick latched onto those words; letting the calm flow over his heart. He nodded in small, slightly jerky movements. He was vaguely aware that Slade’s hands were engulfing his cheeks, gently stroking his skin. They felt so warm and comforting that Dick almost closed his eyes; wishing he could forget everything. He just wanted everything to be fine. He didn’t want to fight; he hated arguing. He didn’t want to have to do this before the letters. Why couldn’t this have happened after the dang letters?

After a moment, Slade slowly withdrew his hands and stood up; walking away to the countertop. Dick tried not to become alarmed by the cool air that glanced over his unprotected cheeks. His arms were still tightly curled around his waist and he slowly began to loosen up. There was a long moment where Dick didn’t look up to face his friends. It was too horrible to think that he’d had a panic attack with them around; not only that, he was pretty sure that they were the cause of it.

And that just made it all worse.

Dick noticed out of the corner of his eye that Slade was getting a mug out of the cabinet. The man took out a box of hot chocolate packets, ripped one open, dumped the contents into the mug, and poured piping hot water into the mug from a kettle. A few moments later, Dick was presented with a warm mug of hot chocolate. Dick accepted it wordlessly as Slade pointed down at it with a single finger; a stern, yet gentle light entering the man’s eye.

“Drink it.”

Dick obeyed, blowing on it for a brief moment before bringing the mug to his lips; letting the sweet, warm liquid slide over his tongue and down his throat. He felt Slade stand over him and place a hand on his shoulder. Dick soaked up the double warmth – one from the mug in his hands and the other from that comforting hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes as he continued to sip.

“Now,” began Slade’s voice sharply above Dick; his tone filled with that no nonsense ring that usually meant trouble. The man’s hand squeezed his shoulder once. “Whatever the circumstances, let me make one thing crystal clear. You are here as intruders in my home. You know who I am. I can very well keep you locked up here; never to allow you to see the daylight again—oh, yes, I can. But I have allowed you here on a branch of amity, you could say. Chatter, talk, fight, argue, giggle, laugh – I don’t care. You will not, however, railroad Dick under any circumstances. Do I make myself clear?”

A wry voice lifted inside Dick’s mind. Well, that’s what you get for becoming the adopted son of a military man.

There was silence as the other Titans slowly sat back down in their seats. Each were staring at Dick with slight confused and concerned expressions. Starfire was sitting nearest to Dick and after a moment, she slowly reached out to him; placing a hand on the middle of his arm. Dick slowly lowered the half empty mug onto the table. He withdrew his hands and settled them in his lap. After a moment, Starfire’s hand lifted away.

“Robin… Are you quite all right?”

“Dude?!” cried Beast Boy suddenly. “What the heck just happened here?”

“He had a panic attack,” snapped Slade, obviously becoming annoyed, his hand clenching once on Dick’s shoulder. “The lot of you exploding in here was enough to give anyone a heart attack.”

“Why don’t you drop dead, Slade,” growled Cyborg, glaring up at the man. “You stole Robin. For all we know it could’ve been all the stress of being cooped up here with you!”

“It’s not… It’s not because of that I had a panic attack,” whispered Dick. “And I’m not Robin.”

Numerous voices flooded the air.

“As if I’d believe that. You can’t believe that—right, Robin?”

“It’s not healthy to get panic attacks, Robin.”

“Not Robin…? Who are you, then?”

“But, Robin, you’ve never gotten these attackie-whatsits before—”

“I’m not Robin!” cried Dick, his hands shaking in his lap. His friends flinched slightly; each exchanging hurt looks. His tone softened suddenly. “I’m not… I’m not Robin… right now. I’m just Richard Grayson; Dick Grayson. Okay? Robin is someone different. He’s always been different. You just never knew. I always hid Dick from you guys. I always thought he was someone… weaker.”

There was another reassuring squeeze from that hand.

“So, I hid him,” continued Dick in a whisper. “After all these months, Dick resurfaced. That’s who I am and that’s who I’ve always been. It’s okay… if you want to call me Robin still. You just have to understand. That driven, serious, focused guy – he doesn’t really exist any more. I’m just me now; no two identities.”

Each of the Titans gained stricken looks on their faces, as if Dick had just told them someone had died. He didn’t mean to make it sound so bad. But he supposed they didn’t really understand – they had never assumed separate identities for hero work. They were who they were, but Dick had always hid behind the mask.

Another thing he had learned from Bruce.

There was silence between the group. After a moment, Slade withdrew; walking over to his spot at the counter and picking up his mug of coffee. He leaned against the countertop, watching the group carefully. Even more silence lifted through the air.

Beast Boy glanced from Dick to the others until he finally piped up, “Can somebody please say something before I go crazy here? Somebody explain something that makes sense already!”

“Uh… yeah,” started Dick, biting his lower lip. He looked up at the group; his hands fidgeting in his lap. “About the adoption—”

“You really did agree to it, didn’t you?” asked Raven, her voice completely deadpan, and yet there was a slightly injured tone within it. Dick’s lower lip trembled at the sound of her voice. He looked into her violet eyes and gave her a small, meek nod.

There was an explosion from the boys.

“Seriously!?”

“This has got to be a joke!”

“Look, guys,” cried Dick in a plea. “Would you hear me out? The whole story from start to finish, please?” He looked at each of his friends, his eyes connecting with each one; resting finally on Starfire. “Please?”

He knew this would take hours and hours if the group interrupted after everything. He hoped they would at least listen to him. There was a long moment before he received a group of grumbles and nods. Thus, Dick slowly delved into the story of the past few months.

It felt strange telling them. It was odd to relive the events, but as Dick did so, he realized just how far he and Slade had come. It was an amazing journey for the two of them. They had gone from Hero and Villain to father and son. They had destroyed the barrier and came to an understanding: they needed each other. Slade was still his frightening self at times, but Dick understood when it was directed at him and when it wasn’t. Not to mention Dick did his best to keep the man’s ire directed away from him.

He started off with the pleasant times; the more recent times, telling them how the adoption came about. But then, he knew they needed the whole story and he reluctantly told his friends about the beginning days; how the two of them fought and how Slade wasn’t exactly all flowers and rainbows. Then, Dick told them that there came a point that Slade did a one eighty and changed. It was at that point that he was interrupted.

“Just how the heck did Slade change? Huh?” demanded Cyborg.

“Yeah, dude! You can’t expect us that he’s suddenly changed!”

Dick hesitated. He understood the need to explain how Slade had changed, but he certainly didn’t want to give them the exact details. It was far too embarrassing and mortifying. He probably could’ve lived it down had it been Bruce since the man could scare the crap out of them. Well, not that Slade couldn’t intimidate them as well. It just seemed way more humiliating. How could he tell his friends that Slade went from abusive captor to firm handed father figure?

And that he was okay with it.

Well, sort of…

“Um…”

Slade smirked; Dick had no doubt that the man saw this as a perfect opportunity to tease him. “Yes, Dick. Do tell your friends how I’ve changed.”

Dick blushed and ducked his head for a minute. Dang it. That freaking man was really enjoying this part. The sadistic teasing side of Slade was kicking in full force now.

“Well… um…” started Dick, hoping that his face wasn’t showing the heat that was starting to creep up there. “Slade stopped being rough with me. He stopped beating me and decided to, um… punish me differently whenever I fought against him.”

“But why would Slade even need to… punish you, Robin?” asked Starfire, her bright green eyes blinking worriedly. “You are very good.”

Oh, man.

Just shoot me now, please. Get it over with, already.

“Yeah, man!” cried Beast Boy indignantly. “It’s not like he’s your real father or anything crazy like that.” Beast Boy hesitated. “Or… or is he? And–and that’s why—”

“No, no; he’s not my real father,” said Dick, quickly overriding Beast Boy before his excitable, nerdy green friend went on a tangent.

“This is messed up, man,” said Cyborg, shaking his head. “I think he’s brainwashed you. Let’s get him, Titans!”

“Wait!” cried Dick, standing up and holding out his hands as his friends began to move for an attack. “Please, guys, just listen.”

There were grumbles as they all settled back down in their seats. Beast Boy folded his arms sulkily. Cyborg leaned on the table with an elbow and drummed his fingers on the surface impatiently. Dick slid back down in his chair slowly, continuing after a moment.

“Look, guys. You know what parents are like and—”

“That’s just it!” cried Cyborg incredulously, slamming his hand down onto the table so hard that Dick flinched. He pointed at Slade. “He’s not your parent.”

“Well, he is now,” retorted Dick, getting annoyed at his friends’ stubbornness. Why couldn’t they just shut up and listen? “And he’s been fair after that first month. Sure, we had a rough beginning, but that’s all over now. He punishes me fairly now when I mess up.”

“Mess up? How, then?” demanded Cyborg. “How can we be sure he’s not doing anything bad or weird to you?”

Dick hesitated, feeling his face flush slightly. He couldn’t help but snip, “It’s–it’s not any of your business how the man keeps me in line.”

“He’s a criminal! He’s the one who should be kept in line!” cried Beast Boy hysterically, jumping to his feet and pointing at Slade. Dick ducked his head, feeling the heat in his face burn even more. He wished they’d drop the subject. But he understood they were just being protective of him. But still, why couldn’t they just drop it?

Raven’s eyebrows furrowed as she watched Dick, obviously sensing the embarrassed feelings emanating from him.

“How exactly,” began Raven slowly, “does he punish you?”

“Um…”

“I spank him,” came Slade’s even voice, overriding Dick’s hesitancies. Dick’s eyes snapped wide as the heat immediately flooded through his face and all the way to his ears. He whirled his head around to glare at the man, who was looking extremely amused over the whole situation now; bringing the mug of coffee to his smirking lips.

“Slade! Shuddup!”

The look in Slade’s eye totally said, “Serves you right for leading them here, boy.” The entire group of Titans fell silent, staring straight at Dick; who in turn looked anywhere but them. Beast Boy and Cyborg’s eyes nearly bugged out of their heads. Starfire tilted her head to the side, looking very confused. Raven opened her mouth for a moment before closing it. She lifted her hands to her head; massaging both of her temples with two of her fingers.

“Come… again?” said Raven, sounding taken aback and bemused.

“Please, what is this ‘spank’ that you speak of?” asked Starfire, looking uncertainly between the group. “It is a criminal torture device, yes?”

That broke the tension.

Beast Boy fell into uncontrollable laughter with Cyborg close behind him. Beast Boy was laughing so hard that he fell to the floor, rolling back and forth as his hysterics filled the kitchen. Cyborg slapped the table as he continued his laughter. Starfire still looked thoroughly confused until Raven began to whisper in her ear.

Dick wanted to die. Oh, how he wanted to die.

As Raven whispered to Starfire, the alien’s expression turned from confusion to horror. She clasped her hands to her mouth and cried, “How barbaric!”

The embarrassment was killing Dick. He was ready to escort – more like throw – them out of here as soon as possible. He did not want to talk about his odd relationship with Slade to them. He was still getting used to it himself sometimes. It was strange having Slade look after him like a parent. Nothing could’ve been stranger.

But he liked it.

Dick was happy with it – happier than he’d ever been in his life since the time his parents died. He understood what Slade was, though. And there was a part of his soul that truly hoped that Slade would allow him to be a hero again. But he also knew that such things took time. He knew the good points and the bad points of the man; and Dick chose to see the good in the man, hoping to bring out more.

After all, that’s what life was all about.

“He—he spanks you!” cried Beast Boy finally, still laughing hysterically on the floor. At this, Cyborg broke down into even more laughter. “Dude, that’s so—so—” They never found out what it was since Beast Boy couldn’t talk through his hysterics.

“Man, BB,” cried Cyborg through the hilarity. “Can you imagine Robin draped over Slade’s knees and getting a butt whupping?”

Dick’s face couldn’t go any more crimson than it was at that very moment. Beast Boy roared at Cyborg’s statement. Raven rolled her eyes, looking tired; although, Dick was positive he saw the edges of her mouth twitch. Starfire was the only one who looked concerned over the whole matter.

“Robin, are you sure you are all right? This is—”

“I’m fine, Star. Really, it’s no big deal,” said Dick flatly, although his bright red face contradicted his words. “A lot of parents punish their kids like that here on earth.”

The other two boys guffawed loudly again. Slade was beginning to look annoyed with all the noise and he suddenly slammed his hand on the countertop. It stopped the laughter for a moment, just long enough for Slade to throw out a dark threat with a roguish smirk on his face.

“I am more than willing to try it out on you two if you keep up this irritating laughter in my kitchen,” said Slade, his single grey blue eye glinting so dangerously that it even sent a chill down Dick’s back.

That shut the boys up.

Beast Boy scrambled into his chair, his hands clasped in his lap with his pointed ears drooping slightly. He glanced nervously at Slade. Cyborg looked mortified at the thought and turned his head away. Dick shot Slade a thankful look; although he wasn’t sure why, since it was the man’s fault in the first place they had learned of it. But he was still grateful that Slade cared enough to do some damage control.

Nonetheless, Dick’s face couldn’t stop burning from the overall, extremely awkward situation.

There was a long, painful silence for a few moments between the group. Dick fidgeted in his chair. He didn’t know what more to say now. His brain had fried from the heat in his face – he was sure of it. He took it back: the first time he experienced Slade walloping him was not his most humiliating moment of his life. Nope, this moment was – took the gold medal completely.

“Look… guys…” started Dick, completely unsure what he was going to say next.

“I don’t get this,” said Cyborg softly in a low voice; his tone sounding resentful. “You can’t honestly be telling us you’re all right with this jerk being all… all fatherly and crap. It’s just weird.”

“I know…” murmured Dick. “I really don’t get it myself sometimes, but it just sort of happened, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” snapped Cyborg. “He hurt you, all right? You admitted it. How could you accept him after all that?”

The other three Titans looked at Dick with sober eyes. It was apparent that they had the same question. Dick wasn’t sure what the answer was at first. How did Dick come to the point of forgiving Slade and accepting him? What was it that made the past forgotten and the future looked forward to? Was it truly that moment where he tested the man? Or had it been a little more; the daily moments building upon each other in soft, gentle increments?

Dick took a deep breath, remembering the moments and understanding his trust in the man.

“He changed,” murmured Dick. “He chose to change so that we would get along better. He made the effort. Ever since then, everything got better and I learned things…”

“But isn’t that just because he wants you for his apprentice or something?” asked Beast Boy.

“The initial kidnapping; yeah, it was,” nodded Dick. “But the adoption wasn’t. That was between Richard Grayson and Slade Wilson.”

“And you believe that?” demanded Cyborg incredulously, his eyebrows popping up.

“Slade has proven himself to be a man of his word, if nothing else,” said Dick with a firm nod. “That much I trust. I am Slade Wilson’s adopted son. It doesn’t have anything to do with being Slade’s apprentice.”

There was a set of scoffs from the two boys.

“Dude!”

“That’s the same thing.”

“It’s not!” protested Dick, his tone rising slightly. “It’s not the same thing!”

There were more scoffs as the two boys shook their heads in obvious disgust. Dick bit the interior of his lips to stop them from trembling. Why couldn’t they understand? Why did they have to make this more difficult? Dick didn’t want to be the man’s ‘evil’ apprentice, but there was still a wish in Dick’s heart that the man would continue to teach him. Maybe Slade would let him still do his hero work…

That is, if the Teen Titans even let him back as a team member, let alone as their leader.

Dick moodily looked over at the two girls who were remaining silent.

“Don’t you two have anything to say?” asked Dick, sounding almost hurt. Raven let out a sigh.

“I just don’t fully understand all this either,” said Raven in her quiet, monotone voice. “Put yourself in our places, would you? You’ve been missing for seven months. We could only assume that you were kidnapped by Slade – we didn’t even fully know that much. We had no way of knowing how you were treated. If we let our imaginations run wild, we could’ve thought up a lot—a lot of terrible things.”

Dick nodded slightly, understanding that. If he hadn’t experienced this, he’d probably react the same. He supposed he should be more patient with his friends over their ire with this.

“I, too, do not understand,” whispered Starfire. “Was not… the Batman your K’Norfka? How could you change him? Is that how it is done on earth?”

“Um, Star… Batman was never my, uh, K’Norfka,” said Dick. His throat dried suddenly, making it hard for him to talk. But he had to speak the words. He had to make them understand that he hadn’t ever viewed Batman as a father – only as a mentor or older brother. “He’s not my father. He took me in when my… my parents died when I was seven years old. But I haven’t had a father in almost eight years.”

Starfire’s bright emerald eyes glistened once as she listened. A deep sorrow seemed to flow over her countenance.

“I know all this is strange,” continued Dick, looking over the group solemnly. “But during these months, the two of us changed and we’ve reached an agreement. Somehow, Slade fits the father bill. I have no idea why or how to explain it. All I know is it just is. I know it’s all weird and everything, but I need this.”

Dick began to wring his hands nervously in his lap.

“I’m happy, guys,” whispered Dick in a very low voice. “For the first time in almost eight years, I’m happy with a parent. I know it’s strange to say it’s Slade of all people, but he’s really been looking out for me. It’s hard to explain… But I’m not afraid of the future. I won’t let… certain things happen.”

Dick hesitated for a moment, hoping that his friends would understand what he was alluding to. He didn’t want to flat out say that he wasn’t going to be an assassin or mercenary with Slade in the room. A part of him actually wanted to be the man’s apprentice, but not in the way Slade wanted. He loved going on a mission with the man and fighting at his side, but only if it was helping someone else. But Dick was pretty sure he’d never be able to convince the man to be someone like that.

“And…” started Dick, biting his lip. “And it’d be really nice if you guys could respect this and even eventually be happy with me. I know it’ll take some time getting used to…”

Dick trailed off as he looked over the group of his friends. Each had their own displeased look. While Starfire’s wasn’t angry or anything, Dick could tell she seemed uncertain. Raven’s lips were pursed as if she were trying to control herself. Cyborg looked thoroughly unhappy with a hint of disgust. Beast Boy looked grumpy over the whole thing.

Guess that answered that.

“I’ll have to think about it,” said Cyborg grudgingly, turning his head away.

“Yeah, me, too,” nodded Beast Boy. Raven merely nodded silently. It seemed like they were done. The three of them stood and began to walk towards the door of the kitchen.

“We’ll be leaving. No need to show us the way out,” said Cyborg, his tone filled with bitterness. “Since you’re obviously not coming with us.”

“Wa—wait,” called Dick, his heart constricting as he watched the three of them standing there. Cyborg gave him a raised eyebrow; holding a mixture of slight hope and irritation. “C—could you do me a favor and not say anything to Batman?”

The hope fled from Cyborg’s expression.

“Sure,” said Cyborg; his tone overflowing with resentment. “Not like it matters, anyway. He basically told us to give up hope, saying this adoption was Slade’s way of telling us that he’s really got you now.”

Cyborg glanced over at Slade; his expression softening to pure despair and hurt.

“Guess he was right.”

Dick’s heart felt as if it were being crushed in half as he watched the three of them walk out. Every part of his soul was crying and it was taking everything he had not to burst into tears at that moment. Cyborg’s words were tearing him apart, inside out.

Batman had given up hope over him.

Only Starfire remained behind, looking quietly at him; but after a moment, she slowly rose to her feet.

“Star… I—”

“I want you to be happy, Robin,” whispered Starfire, her voice painfully soft. “I will try to understand, but I am not sure when that will be. But… I will try.”

And with that, she left the room.

ooOOOOOoo

March 13th, 2009. Friday, 1:31 am.

“This is totally the worst,” grumbled Beast Boy as he slugged through the street unhappily. He kicked a rock and it skittered along the ground. The group was walking home, but it was obvious that the whole thing with Robin had put a heavy damper on their spirits. Neither Raven nor Starfire took to flying at the moment.

“I hear ya, BB,” said Cyborg, his voice sounding tired. “I wish we could’ve rescued him sooner. I still think he’s been brainwashed.”

“Although,” started Beast Boy, a boyish smirk lifting his face. “I still think it’s a riot that Slade would spank him. I mean, that’s gotta be the most humiliating thing ever.”

Cyborg bit back a bitter, snorting laugh and just tried to nod only.

“Oh, and did you ever think Robin would have such baby blue eyes?” continued Beast Boy, giggling slightly. “Picture was nothin`. Not the eyes you’d think from our intense, strong leader, huh? Who could’ve imagined Robin’s eyes were like those straight out of an Anime.”

Raven actually coughed.

“That’s all great and funny,” said Cyborg with a hint of bitterness; the smile that had flashed across his face quickly fading. “But I still think this is crap. I just don’t understand how he could’ve gotten to the point of defending Slade. Plus, he’s staying there.”

“I know! This just isn’t fair,” griped Beast Boy. “How could he do this to us? Why—”

“Enough, you two,” snapped Raven in a harsh tone. The others stopped walking and turned to face her as Raven took a deep breath, trying extremely hard to maintain her emotions.

“Leave him alone,” continued Raven. “You guys couldn’t tell, but he’s happy. I’ve never felt him be so happy before. Never. It’s weird, I know; but if we aren’t willing to accept Robin’s new life because we don’t like something or someone in it, then we have to ask ourselves: were we truly his friends in the first place?”

ooOOOOOoo

March 13th, 2009. Friday, 1:25 am.

“Dick, are you all right?” asked Slade after a few minutes passed in silence. Once Starfire was the last to leave, Dick had sat at the table, staring at the clothed surface in absolute silence. His mind had been racing with thoughts and none of them good.

“I’m fine,” answered Dick flatly, standing up suddenly. “I’m going to my room.”

Dick left the kitchen without another word, not looking up at Slade. He was sure the man would make him stop. He always said that Dick was an open book and Dick did not want to be read at that moment. He hurried down the hallway and closed his bedroom door behind him, leaning his head against the wood as he closed his eyes. The flood of his emotions spilled over in the form of hot tears, which streamed slowly down his face.

Well, that was that.

His friends hated him now. They could never rebuild the trust that he had torn away so easily. First, the Red X incident and now this – they would never accept the fact that Slade was his adopted father. Not that Dick could blame them; it was weird even thinking that. But everything had changed. His friends would completely turn on him in time – there was no doubt about it now. Beast Boy and Cyborg refused to consider anything he had said. Starfire probably agreed with them, even though she said she’d try to understand; although, Dick wasn’t fully sure – she hadn’t said much during the whole event. And Raven had sent plenty of hard glares in Slade’s direction to give a clear indication on how she felt about the whole matter.

Dick choked back a sob as he wrapped his arms around his chest; sliding down against the door to sit on the floor. He curled his arms around his legs and set his face into his knees. Sobs began to shake his frame as he cried there, the tears freely falling to soak into the Kevlar material of his suit.

He couldn’t explain anything to his friends.

He couldn’t explain anything to Slade.

He couldn’t even understand anything himself any more. He was utterly alone, wasn’t he? Had it been so wrong that he accepted Slade? Would he still have his friends? Even Bruce… It was more than apparent from them that Bruce was greatly displeased with him – even giving up hope. Would Slade rethink everything, too? Perhaps Dick made too many mistakes. Or perhaps he was just making a big deal out of nothing; but nonetheless, there was no denying the bitter loneliness that rose up in his heart.

Would he be forced to choose between his friends and Slade?

His friends had once been a safe haven for him. Bruce had once been a safe haven for him. His parents had once been a safe haven for him. He was losing the few things of stability in his life. How much more would he lose? Dick was terribly reminded of all the feelings that begged to ask, “What have I done that made me deserve this?”

Why?

Why couldn’t everything just be all right?

Why couldn’t Dick have a family? Why couldn’t he have friends? Why couldn’t he be safe? Why couldn’t he have a mother? Why couldn’t he have a father? Why couldn’t he have stability? Was he not good enough? Was he just as bad as all those villains out in the world? Why did so many bad things happen when it seemed as if there had been a glimmer of light?

There had been just a shimmer of hope in Dick’s life. Why did it have to be snatched away? Couldn’t he have it all? Was that selfish? Did he really have to choose between his friends and the man he had accepted as his father?

Why couldn’t he have both?

It wasn’t his fault with all this – Dick was doing the best he could! He had been kidnapped, for crying out loud. Yes, he chose to stay with the man – that was bizarre, but somehow it had turned out just fine. Slade hadn’t turned out too bad.

For the first time in almost eight years, he felt like he could turn to an adult; rely on him. But now he was feeling insecure. Had he made such a terrible choice? If he had chosen anyone else, would his friends have accepted it? So Slade wasn’t perfect – who was? Who were they to tell him who he could have as a father? So he wanted a mercenary, assassin for a father. So what?!

Dick buried his face into his knees, the tears never-ending. The door opened slightly, pushing against his back. Dick’s heart stopped. It was probably Slade. He was scared, nervous – he didn’t know how to explain his feelings. He couldn’t even understand them himself. The man would want an explanation for his mental breakdown – no doubt about it. Slade wasn’t really one for waterworks, but luckily the man never scolded him for it.

The door pushed against his back again.

“Dick, move away from the door,” came Slade’s voice. It was calm and quiet, yet commanding. Dick scooted to the right; just enough to allow Slade to slip into the room. The door closed and Slade stood over him. Dick closed his eyes, waiting for the man to tell him to get up and explain himself.

He wasn’t expecting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

But that’s what it was; a gentle hand. Dick looked up to see Slade sliding down to sit on the floor next to him, his hand on Dick’s left shoulder. He squeezed it lightly. This only caused another wave of tears to flow down Dick’s face and he rested his chin on his knees; tightening his arms around his legs.

So, that’s why he chose Slade. There were quite a few times when he offered such fatherly moments. Even if it was just a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, it meant everything to Dick – like he had done after Dick’s most recent panic attack; standing over him with that supporting hand. It strengthened him. It calmed him. The tears still came, but the sobs began to subside. After a moment, Slade’s hand slid behind Dick’s back to rest on his other shoulder; squeezing it tenderly.

A half hug.

That’s what it was. The man had actually reached out to give him a half hug. Dick let out a shuddering gasp as he leaned his body against Slade’s; his head at the base of the man’s shoulder. He felt the man stiffen for a brief moment; but Dick ignored it as he nudged closer to him, thankful for the soft moment. But it was soon that Slade’s hand tightened its hold on him and pulled him close. Such a soft moment was rare, but they were increasing and Dick knew they existed; and they existed when he needed them the most. Bruce hadn’t known how to give such moments. Dick had understood that much and had accepted it, but he had missed it from his parents.

Oh, how he had missed such moments.

“Dick, you want to tell me what’s going on?” asked Slade. Dick shook his head slightly, burying his face into the man’s warm flesh and breathing in deeply. It was nice to be held. He loved it; craved it.

“Not really…”

“Why are you crying?”

Dick let out a shuddering sigh. “They hate me now.”

“Ah. I think you mean, they hate me.”

“Well, that’s a given,” said Dick, sniffling. Slade chuckled deeply; Dick could feel the tremors flow into his body from the close contact. He loved it. It calmed him even further. His tongue began to loosen as he felt at ease. “It… It made me wonder…” Dick hesitated, going quiet for a few moments.

“Wonder?” prodded Slade, after Dick stayed silent without continuing. Dick bit his lower lip; turning his head to look up at the ceiling.

“I… I had to wonder. Did I make a mistake?” murmured Dick.

“A mistake… Meaning me?”

Dick nodded slightly. “But…” he murmured in a terribly soft whisper. “When you came in here… and–and you…” Dick trailed off, unable to word his feelings over the strong arm that was wrapped around his shoulders and was giving him strength. Instead, he continued powerfully, “I knew, then. I knew I had made the right choice. If this is a mistake, then it’s the best mistake I’ve ever made and I don’t want to correct it.”

ooOOOOOoo

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