Forgotten Bonds – Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five
Letters

March 8th, 2009. Sunday, 12:08 pm.

Slade held the envelope in his hand. A small, yet truly genuine smile was spreading through his face. For a moment, it seemed completely unreal, a dream, a fantasy; but there it was – the approval for the adoption. Dick was officially his son – his son and no one else’s. It was a lot to take in, there was no doubt about that. Slade hadn’t ever imagined that he’d go all this way with the boy. Slade had only thought of making the boy his apprentice, his heir; but never had he thought that the boy would become his son.

His son…

So many years had passed since Slade could confidently say he had a son.

But it was so strange saying that the boy was his son now. After so many years of not really being a father, now he was again. Was this something he had wanted during these years? Something he had missed? There was something special about the unconditional affections of a loving child – Slade had once had three, so he was all too aware of such unconditional love; even when sometimes there was a deep, nagging feeling inside that ate at his self conscious, telling him he didn’t deserve such things.

But there was something so special inside Dick’s heart that told Slade that he too would be no different in his feelings of affection than Slade’s first children.

Memories of the past could be so painful.

Slade could still remember the joyful pride that had always risen inside his chest as he entered their home at nights so many years ago. The traditional, “Daddy’s home!” would be literally screamed by little Rose, who would then dash up to Slade and cling to his legs gleefully. Much of the time, she’d set herself on top of his shoes, so that he’d have to walk into the house with her. Joey was always close behind her; his bright green eyes sparkling happily, but too shy and bashful to join in the hugging fest – no matter how desperately he wanted to do so. Grant would always saunter in last, seeming to ooze the aura, “I’m too cool to rush up to Dad even though I’m just as excited to see him.”

And then…

It all shattered.

Those innocent times had been completely destroyed. It had been all his fault, too. Those happy, cheerful voices would never ring their innocent sounds in Slade’s ears. They were lost; their potential completely dashed away into a thousand shards; shattered pieces that could never be restored.

Such beauty wasted.

Slade had failed so badly the first time around that he couldn’t stop the brief feeling of total terror that rippled through his heart at that moment; completely unsettling him. The burden was far more heavy than he had realized it would be. How could a simple piece of paper completely change everything? How could he fear that he would fail again? He was Deathstroke; failure never occurred to him – of course, how wrong that thinking was. After all, Deathstroke had done nothing but fail when it came to his family. Deathstroke might be a perfect assassin, but he wasn’t perfectly all powerful in the universe – he wasn’t a god, obviously; immortal or not. No matter the enhancements he had, he wasn’t omnipotent.

What of Slade, then? Would he fail with his newfound second chance?

Would he fail Dick?

But Slade tried to push such feelings back. He wouldn’t fail; he wouldn’t allow it. Especially since Wintergreen would probably say that he was already doing a good job at fathering the boy – if you wanted to call it that – and if he wasn’t, the old man would, no doubt, voice his opinions good and strong over it. He had done so before, after all.

But going through with the adoption through legal means had really just been for Dick – Slade would never admit that it had been something he wanted. Luckily, he hadn’t promised not to lie to himself. After seeing the boy so insecure at times about where he stood with him, Slade knew that this was the only way to help the boy believe that Slade truly wanted him by his side. He hadn’t thought that Dick would say yes so fast. Surely the boy would’ve wanted a few minutes to decide. But the boy had proven Slade wrong and had signed those papers so quick that Slade hadn’t even had the time to blink.

And now it was approved.

No doubt the entire cape community would be in an uproar over it soon. Slade smirked. He could just imagine the face on that bat when he found out that Deathstroke had adopted the Boy Wonder right out from under him. What a funny sight to see. Slade would pay a lot of money for a photograph of that face. Might even blow it up jumbo size and hang it on a wall…

However, Slade was deeply wondering what the future held for the both of them. He had decided to stop the gun education – for the time being, at least. The boy had questioned about it, but Slade had brushed it off. He wasn’t about to tell the boy his real feelings on the matter. Slade wasn’t sure what he should do from now on. Lately, his thoughts were always filled with contemplation about what he should do for the boy. Dick’s wellbeing was always on the forefront of his mind.

Actually, it was the strangest thing. Anytime Slade tried to get any work done, his thoughts would become distracted. Slade never got distracted. But no matter how much he tried to focus, he just couldn’t get into it. It just wasn’t as fulfilling as it once was, either. In fact, he found he could care less about it all. Training the boy was a much better use of his time, not to mention he preferred to do so.

Or in reality, spending time with the boy was his real preference.

But… since when?

But even if he was training the boy, for what purpose was he doing so? Something inside of Slade was telling him that there was no way that Dick would ever become his partner in missions that required a kill. After seeing the way he had reacted in the battlefield, Slade knew there was just no possible way Dick would ever kill. Even when Slade had been killed himself, Dick hadn’t been able to turn the weapon against his killer – even with such deep grieving that still brought a sober feeling over Slade at the thought.

Finding the perfect apprentice was beginning to seem like an impossible feat for Slade. Dick was perfect, save for that glaring single flaw of never being about to kill an enemy. That was very dangerous, actually. It was very lucky that Dick could handle himself so well in a fight.

But what about those fights where there was someone more powerful than him?

Well, there was always that occurrence in life.

Dick was a special kid, there was no doubt about that – a perfect son, at the very least. Whatever the future held, Slade was sure that they’d figure it out. No need to worry about it too much. It wasn’t like anything had really changed between them. They just now had something a little more official on paper was all. The only real difference Slade noticed was the fact that Dick was showing he was more comfortable with Slade – there was a familiarity that Slade hadn’t even hoped to achieve.

It was certainly amazing.

Slade walked out of his bedroom and down the hallway. He could hear Dick’s animated voice chatting excitedly to Wintergreen. Slade couldn’t hold back the smile that spread through his face. It was truly endearing to hear that boy talk. There was life pouring from his mere voice.

“—and then, Beast Boy landed with an enormous thud, transforming into a giant T-Rex. You should’ve seen it, Will – totally scared the crap outta those prisoners. I’ve never heard grown men scream like that before.”

There was a chuckle from Wintergreen.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, it was so cool—Oh, hey, Slade,” said Dick, his face spreading into a wide smile as Slade came into view. Dick and Wintergreen were sitting at the table together. Slade sat down next to Dick and the boy straightened happily. Slade could’ve sworn that the boy somehow got closer. He’d been doing that a lot lately. Slade wasn’t sure if it was a subconscious effort to be closer to him or if the boy was truly doing it on purpose.

The boy was such a mystery lately.

“What’s all this excitement?” asked Slade in a smooth tone, trying to keep his amusement out of his voice. Dick’s smile broadened.

“I was just telling Will a little story about a prison break.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we dominated them,” said Dick, confidence oozing throughout his voice.

“You always do,” said Slade with a smirk. Dick glowed under the praise. Then, Slade proffered the envelope. With a questioning look, Dick accepted it and opened it. His face lit up as he read the contents.

“It was approved!” cried Dick happily, nearly bouncing in his seat. Wintergreen had a soft, joyful smile on his face and attempted to hide it behind his mug; taking a sip from it. Slade watched the boy pour over the document as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Slade wasn’t sure what was so amazing about it. It was merely a piece of paper. It didn’t change anything. It was just a little more proof of the situation.

The boy could be so overly emotional about things.

There was a moment where Dick’s face softened. His sparkling blue eyes glittered once as they flicked a glance at Slade, before settling to stay at their gaze.

“So…” started Dick, his voice ever so soft and shy. “Does this officially mean that I’m your… your… son?”

The boy had spoken the word with great reverence, as if it was the most special, sacred word in the world. Those eyes were once again filled with great longing; seeking, searching, yearning with all their might.

That boy had longed for a father ever so long. Could Slade be arrogant enough to say that he hadn’t longed for a second chance?

Dick wasn’t Grant.

Dick wasn’t Joey.

Dick wasn’t Rose.

But somehow, he didn’t need to be – just Dick was just fine; just perfect.

Slade leaned onto the table and rested his elbows there; looking down at the boy. Slade leaned a little closer, coming to be a number of inches away from the boy’s face. The boy appeared to hold his breath; his eyes widening with soft, yet content surprise.

“Yes,” whispered Slade. “You are my son.”

Those eyes softened with tender delight; a gentle, shy smile spreading through the boy’s features. A glimmer of light glittered over those crystal orbs. The boy glanced down at the paper, almost appearing bashful for a moment. His chest rose once, while his hands trembled slightly.

Slade pulled back, watching the boy carefully. Something amazingly soft rippled through Dick, as if those words had been so comforting to him.

Words that seemed to have been so longed for after so many years.

“Is this the official copy?” asked Dick quietly after a moment, looking back up at Slade.

“No, there’s two.”

“Can I keep a set?” asked Dick, his crystal blue eyes wide and dazzling with yearning.

Slade withheld the eyebrow raise that threatened to lift his face. He mentally wondered lightly if he could last long under those eyes. That confounded child was developing a dangerous technique there. Did every child have those kind of eyes? Blast it all, and it wasn’t even something Slade was going to say no to. What would he do in a more serious situation should the boy decide to wield such a weapon against him?

Ah, Slade knew – he’d make the boy wear his mask. Then, Slade would be spared from those eyes; those blasted puppy eyes.

“Of course,” said Slade with a dismissive wave of his hand, averting his eye away from the boy as he leaned back in his chair. There was only so much sap Slade could take, after all. But he glanced at the boy out of the corner of his eye and saw the boy once again staring at that paper with such happiness in his eyes. The whole thing was inconceivable. It was completely unimaginable that the boy would be this happy.

But he was.

Slade was still trying to process their progress. It was stunning. The boy before him had once looked upon Slade with such hatred, loathing, and deep fear. Now there was nothing but happiness and respect in those eyes when they gazed at him. It was strange seeing that from another person towards himself. It had been so long since Slade had anyone look at him like that. And Slade had felt a similar amazing growth inside his own heart. What had once just been the boy who would be his apprentice, became the boy he wanted to be his son – and now he was.

Yes, Slade was pleased to have Dick as a son.

Slade smirked and leaned his elbow onto the table again; watching the boy. It was the most endearing thing ever – the way that boy poured over that document. It was a few moments before Dick glanced up at Slade.

“Slade, can I ask you a favor?” asked Dick. Luckily those eyes of his weren’t so pleading like before. Bearable, at least.

“You can ask, doesn’t mean I’ll give it to you,” said Slade with a wry smirk.

Dick bit his lip and stood up; coming to stand right next to him. Slade pulled back; looking up at the boy with mild amusement. The boy looked down at him, now with those eyes in full working condition; glittering brightly with longing. Dick latched a hand onto the sleeve of Slade’s shirt and continued to look at him. Slade sighed. Even after all these years, Slade knew such a technique. Rose had liked to use this one all too often.

“What is it?” said Slade in a tired tone.

“I was wondering…” began Dick slowly, his lower lip protruding into a pout slightly. “Co—could I send some letters to my friends letting them know I’m okay?”

Slade raised an eyebrow.

“No.”

“Aw, Slade; don’t say no so fast,” pouted Dick, pushing out his lower lip even more; increasing the effect. “At least hear me out.”

“No.”

“But—”

“Mmm, I don’t think I’m in the mood for a back and forth at the moment,” said Slade in a considering tone, tapping his chin with his fingers before rubbing the fur that rested there. “How about I get right to the point? Are you seriously willing to risk punishment over this?”

There was a paused moment where the boy looked as if he were heavily considering that threat, but then Dick pursed his lips timidly and meekly nodded; those eyes still in full blown working order. Slade let his eye roll to the side – not in the effort to avoid those eyes, no – as he let out a long sigh.

“All right, I’ll hear your reasoning. Hurry it up.”

“I just really want to let them know I’m okay,” said Dick in a hurried tone, as if nervous that Slade would interrupt him. “They must be really worried about me, you know. It’s been months. I swear I won’t put any hidden messages or tell them where I am. Just simple letters – I promise. You can read them, too; just to make sure. Please? Please, Slade?”

Slade looked up at the pleading boy. He truly did look serious over the matter. Well… he supposed there wasn’t any harm in letting the child write a few letters. It wasn’t like the boy was going anywhere just because he wrote some letters. After all, Dick had signed the papers; so, he was permanently Slade’s now – his son. Well, not that he wasn’t beforehand, but for some reason, Slade just couldn’t get over that fact – his son. Besides, the boy still needed his friends, even through letter correspondence – not that Slade was going to allow a return address.

It wasn’t like Slade was worried that Dick would leave first chance he got. There was no way he was feeling that way. That was completely ridiculous. He could just imagine Wintergreen’s face if he said something like that. There was absolutely no way that Slade was worried. He didn’t worry about such absurd things.

Most certainly not.

Slade couldn’t hold back another sigh as there was another tug on his shirt sleeve. A deeper pleading pout appeared before him. Well, Slade was just going to have to nip this in the bud. He couldn’t let the boy think that such a technique could actually sway his thinking. No, he was immune to such childish techniques of a young boy.

Those sparkling eyes blinked once.

Well, Slade supposed he could nip it in the bud next time.

Good grief, he was getting soft.

“All right; all right,” began Slade, lifting his hands into the air resignedly. The boy’s eyes lit up his entire face. “Paper and pen are in that drawer there; envelopes, too. Hurry it up before I change my mind.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” cried Dick, almost bouncing up and down as he darted to the drawer.

“Mmm…”

Within moments, the kitchen table was covered in paper and envelopes. Dick sat near Slade; not too close as to give the man elbow room, but close enough to feel of the man’s presence. It just felt nice being close to Slade.

‘Yes, you are my son.’

Those words had brought the ultimate of glows to Dick’s heart and the fact that those exact words came out of Slade’s mouth – willingly – was the most amazing thing of all.

But it also was completely nuts that this man was his father now. It gave him goosebumps just thinking about it. First, the thought that he had a father again, and then the fact that said father was Slade, of all the possible humans on the planet – well, it definitely threw him for a loop, that’s for sure.

‘Yes, you are my son.’

Ah, but who cared at that moment? Dick was just going to enjoy the moment. He was actually trembling with pure giddiness. Dick caught a glimpse of a genuine smile from Slade as he lifted a newspaper and began to read. There was an overwhelming feeling of warmth that flowed over Dick; his heart glowing even more inside his chest. He could feel approval coming from the man. It was subtle, but it was there. It was so difficult for Dick to sort all the feelings that were inside his chest. But there was one thing he was very aware of.

He was happy.

Dick made a little list of who he wanted to send letters to. Starfire was at the top of the list. Out of all of his friends, she had to be the one he missed the most. There was something so happy, so beautiful about her that he loved every moment he was with her. She seemed to cast the brightest ray of light into the shadows of Dick’s mind. She was always the easiest to talk to about anything and everything – he definitely considered her to be his best friend.

He also wanted to send a letter to Bruce and Alfred, but he wasn’t sure if Slade would let him.

“Slade,” began Dick, looking over at the man. “Can I send a letter to Bruce and Alfred, too?”

Slade visibly stiffened. His hands clenched the sides of his newspaper to the point of crinkling it. He slowly lowered the paper to look at him. Dick quickly continued to speak before Slade could answer; the man looked almost livid.

“I just want to set him at ease,” said Dick hurriedly; understanding Slade’s rigidness was coming from mentioning Bruce. It almost seemed as if the man was… jealous of Bruce? That’d be a first, wouldn’t it? There was no way that could be true. “I want him to know I’m all right and that I chose this. He doesn’t have to worry that anything bad is going on. Is that okay?”

Slade slowly relaxed. After a few moments of waiting, he gave Dick a sharp, quick double nod of his head.

“Yes, that’ll be fine.”

“Thanks, Slade,” said Dick with a smile.

“You’re not going to want to send a letter to the Pope, too, are you?” asked Slade, his tone dripping with his usual dry sarcasm. Dick merely let out a soft giggle and shook his head.

“No, sir.”

“Blessed day,” drawled Slade.

Dick smiled as he looked down at his list. He was going to send out six letters. He wasn’t sure how he was going to go about this. He had a lot of feelings of longing, loneliness, fear, and worry for these six people. His biggest wish was that he could get across his sincere apology for the Red X matter to his four friends. Nothing mattered more than their acceptance of that.

He desperately needed their forgiveness, but he wasn’t sure if he had it.

He had no doubt that the Titans would learn about the adoption. Or at least, that’s what he assumed. He was going to write each letter with that in mind.

If they didn’t know… Well, they were in for a huge surprise, then, now weren’t they?

He set pen to paper and began with Starfire’s letter; hers being the easiest, but in a way also the hardest one.

Dear Starfire,

I don’t even know where to begin. I miss you, there’s a start. I really miss you. I’ve missed all of you so much. I’m okay. You don’t have to worry. I’m safe and I’m okay and I miss you so, so much. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you guys.

First of all, I want to apologize for the whole Red X thing. I should’ve trusted you guys with the plan. I’m so sorry that I ruined your trust in me. It was stupid of me to expect that I could do everything myself, by myself. I’ve learned these past seven months, no matter how much I hate to admit it, that I’m just a kid and I don’t have to do everything on my own. I’ve learned that it’s okay to rely on others, to need others. It’s been a humbling lesson to learn, but learned it I have.

So, I really hope you’ll forgive me, Star. I don’t think I could bear the thought of you being mad at me. I’m really, really sorry. You know, you’re amazing. You’re my best friend. You’re the kindest, bravest, and strongest girl ever and I’m really glad you’re my friend. Thanks for always being the bringer of sunshine in the team.

Sooo, I bet you’ve heard about the adoption. I know it’s crazy stuff. Just hear me out, okay? A lot has happened in these past months. A lot.

Like I said before, I’m safe and well. Slade’s not hurting me. In the beginning, he kidnapped me to make me his apprentice and heir. I really hated it during that first month. But then, everything changed. I can’t really explain what happened, but I can tell you that Slade and I, we’ve kind of come to an agreement. He’s actually been nice during the recent six months. It’s crazy, I know. Slade being nice? But during that time, I learned that Slade isn’t just a criminal. I learned that he’s a person, he’s got a past, and I realized there was more to him than we ever really realized. He’s pretty amazing, I’ll admit, Star. Sure he’s got his thorns, but I’ve learned that he’s like me, like every other human in the world, he’s an imperfect person. There’ve been times when I’ve felt like a normal kid here and that’s something I haven’t had in years. As the months have gone by, I think my heart has grown.

Somehow, I grew to find out about the real Slade. I can’t explain it, but because of what I learned, I grew to care about him. And you know the amazing part, Star? I think he grew to care about me, too, and more than just his original intentions. That’s why I agreed to the adoption. I never told you this, but my parents died when I was seven and I was taken in by Batman. But something was always missing with him. But guess what, Slade seems to fill in the gaps. There’s something about him that sometimes reminds me of my real father.

I love him, Star. Can you believe it? I can’t tell the others that. They’d just die. I can see them now, each passing out if I told them that. But it’s the truth. I really do love him. So much has happened for my heart to reach this point and I truly believe he’ll be a good father to me. He really cares about me now and I can feel that. It’s different now, different since he first brought me here and I like it this way.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again. I’ll try to convince Slade for a visit. I think he might let me now. I still really want to be a Teen Titan, but I also want to be Slade’s son for awhile. It’s new to me, after not having a father for so long and I’m kind of really enjoying it.

Don’t worry, though. I will see you again.

Robin

Richard ‘Dick’ Grayson

Dick swallowed. This one had his heart. He wasn’t sure why he poured so much feeling into Starfire’s letter. She just seemed safe; seemed that she would just understand him. And even if she didn’t, Dick knew that she wouldn’t hate him for it. She would merely accept him. There was something so open about Starfire that it brought Dick a lot of peace. Somehow, he knew that Starfire would treasure his openness with her. He decided to sign his real name as well. He felt safe doing so and he wanted her to hear his real name.

Next, Dick decided to write to Raven.

Dear Raven,

I hope you’re all doing okay. I miss you guys so much. Please don’t worry, though. I’m doing just fine. I’m well. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how long it’s been since I’ve seen you all.

I just want to start off apologizing for what I did with Red X. It was so stupid of me to think that I could’ve done something like that without your help. I was an idiot, like you said. I really could’ve benefited from the collaboration of my teammates, but I shoved the trust we had right into your faces and I’m truly sorry for that. I should’ve trusted you guys.

I hope you’ll forgive me for that, Rae. I can just imagine you saying how stupid it was, but then you’re the first to get over things sometimes. You’re really wise like that. It’s incredible. I don’t think I’m that wise. Aha, obviously. You’re a wonderful friend and a wonderful team member. Thanks for enduring our crazy antics all the time.

Well, I’m sure you’ve heard about the adoption. Hear me out, will you? I know it’s a little out there, but a lot has happened. So much so, you can’t even imagine.

I am doing well, just so you know. Life with Slade is actually normal. Weird, I know. But when Slade kidnapped me to become his apprentice and heir in the beginning, it didn’t seem normal. But everything’s change now. I’ve learned something special, something so amazing that it’s completely changed my life.

Slade isn’t just a criminal. He’s a real person. I know that sounds strange to say. You’re probably thinking, “You just figured that out now?” And you’d be right. Stupid not to think that. But during these past months, I learned about the human side of Slade, the part of him that makes him who he really is and not what he displays to us. He kind of reminds me of you with his humor, although his is a bit more sadistic in nature. He’s more of a tease, at my expense most of the time. But it’s all good.

I know you probably hate me for letting myself be adopted by him, but I don’t have any parents and during these months I discovered that he really fits that mold. It’s crazy, I do realize that, but it’s working. I’m not sure when I’ll see you guys again, but hopefully soon.

Don’t worry, though. I’ll see you all again.

Robin

Somehow, Dick just couldn’t write his real name for Raven. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her; it was just he couldn’t seem to manage it at that moment. He knew he wouldn’t write his real  name for Cyborg or Beast Boy either. But he knew Raven would probably be more understanding than the boys. Girls usually were.

Next, came Cyborg. Dick was getting more nervous as he began to start this letter. He felt clammed up a bit. Cyborg was an awesome buddy, but this was definitely going to get harder from here on out.

Hey Cyborg,

Oh man, I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve gone against each other in a all night video gaming session. I miss hanging out with you. Just so you know, I’m doing just fine. I’m okay.

Well, I really want to say how sorry I am over the whole Red X mess. I was an idiot. Don’t I know it. I really should’ve trust you as my second in command and the others as my team members with such a dangerous plan. But I didn’t and it failed. I failed. I totally screwed up with the whole ‘trusting my friends’ thing. I’m sorry.

I really hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. I know it’s a big thing, but you’re still my friend. You know, you’re kind of like the big brother I never had. You’re funny, crazy, and super techie, but really you’re also a mature team member that can always bring me back to reality. Not to mention you’re an awesome video game buddy. I bet you’re leading the team better than I did. You’re a really great leader.

Aha, so you’re probably going nuts over the adoption. Seriously, you’ve got to hear me out, okay? I know it’s crazy, but I can tell you that things happened over these past months.

I’m doing well, so you don’t have to worry. I did agree to the adoption. Slade didn’t force me. Actually, it was the one thing that Slade gave me a real choice over. It’s really impossible to explain everything that has happened between us, but I discovered a lot of things about Slade and I found out that he isn’t as bad as we thought. I learned about his past and I watched him. Cy, he’s a real person, an enigma, too. He’s highly intelligent. It took time, but I’ve found that I actually want to learn what he has to offer.

Yeah, you’re probably thinking I’ve completely lost it. Who knows, maybe I have. But if I have, I sort of don’t want to find it, if you get my meaning. Slade becoming my father is one of those crazy, yet right decisions in my life. Everything’s fine and I hope you’re all doing okay.

I’ll definitely be back someday.

Robin

Dick set the letter aside, biting his lip worriedly. He knew Cyborg wouldn’t like this whole thing. He’d probably be the most vocal against it, in fact. He hoped he was able to relay his feelings on the matter, but he wasn’t sure. Honestly, Dick really didn’t want to say more to Cyborg. It felt weird telling his buddy about his deepest feelings about Slade. It was just different than Starfire. Hopefully though, Cyborg would be able to understand.

Last of his friends came Beast Boy’s letter. This one was probably a little easier than Cyborg’s letter. Beast Boy tended to roll with things. He’d be indignant for a bit, complain a lot; but once he realized the truth, Dick would be able to convince the changeling of the good.

Hey Beast Boy,

I hope you’re doing well. I can’t tell you enough how much I miss you guys. I’m doing just fine, so you don’t have to worry. I really miss the simple things, like just going out for a pizza. And what I wouldn’t give to just hear one more of your silly jokes.

I want to tell you how sorry I am about Red X. I was a total idiot. I really should’ve put my trust in my friends, but instead I went out on my own and messed everything up. For a guy that thinks things through, I wasn’t thinking straight at all. I’m also really sorry about your hair, BB.

I hope you’ll forgive me. You’ve been the light hearted member, always one to try to lighten things up. Thanks for that. I hope you won’t hate me for this, but I’ve always seen you as a little brother to me. Someone I’ve got to look out for, but someone who can always remind me of the funnier side of life. You’re awesome, buddy.

And I bet you’re wondering what the heck is going on with this whole adoption thing, aren’t you? It’s a long story, but hear me out? So much has happened since I’ve been gone.

Well, Slade’s been pretty decent actually. Interesting thing to say about one’s kidnapper. But Slade no longer feels that way to me anymore. He’s become a man, a human, someone who has a lot to offer in the ways of knowledge and stability. I’m not sure if I ever imagined I’d think of Slade as stable, considering I always thought of him as a madman and a psycho.

But he’s not. And I’ve learned that during these past months. I don’t think I could’ve learned to understand the man in any other type of environment. Funny it took this crazy situation to learn more than I ever imagined I would about Slade. You know I was always driven to learn what I could about the man. Who knew it’d take something like this to learn things, but they were things I never knew existed.

I know it’s nuts, but I think it’s a good kind of nuts. No, I’m not possessed or been replaced by a radioactive zombie, BB. Just trust me on this, okay?

I’m sure I’ll see you all soon.

Robin

Dick smiled to himself. He knew it would take some time for Beast Boy to wrap his brain around this, but he believed in his younger friend. Beast Boy was pretty flexible, luckily. He truly hoped that Beast Boy would be understanding once he read the letter.

With the last of his friends’ letters complete, Dick had a far harder task ahead of himself: Alfred’s letter and Bruce’s letter. Dick decided to start with the lesser of the difficulties and write Alfred’s first. He knew the old British butler would be a bit more understanding than Bruce; not to mention there weren’t old wounds to deal with.

Dear Alfred,

You’ve probably heard lots of things lately from Bruce. I really hope you haven’t been worrying too much about me. I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing just fine, great in fact. I haven’t been this great in a long time. You might’ve heard stories from Bruce, but there’s no need to worry. The man that adopted me is a decent guy once you get to know him. It’s the getting to know him that’s the hard part.

But I’m glad I did. I wouldn’t have it any other way now.

I wanted to tell you how thankful I am to you. You really took care of me when Bruce wasn’t available or just couldn’t. You did your best with a little, difficult kid. I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble or grief.

I’m sorry you got caught in the fight with me and Bruce. I didn’t mean to leave you behind, too. It just sort of happened that way. I promise that I’ll keep in contact more often soon. No more loner, no more secrets. I promise. I think you’d be proud of who I’ve grown to become. I’m even pretty impressed and proud of myself.

And I know it’ll just get better from here on out.

So, know that I’m doing well. I’m safe. I’m happy. And I’ve got someone who will look after me. The man who adopted me is really good. I know there’s a lot of bad things that people will say and I know that he hasn’t made all the right choices in life, but I still think he’s got a whole lot of good inside. And I’m glad I was able to find it through all the bad.

Thanks for everything, Alfred. I’ll keep in touch.

Dick

Dick set aside Alfred’s letter before grabbing one more piece of paper. He took a deep breath and looked at the glaringly white paper. It stared back; still blank as ever. Dick wanted to write, but he wasn’t sure how to start. The feelings of his heart over Bruce were in turmoil. There was so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to ask. Why? Why hadn’t he come back for him? Why did the man fire him? Didn’t he know how much that had meant to Dick?

So many whys.

But somehow, the past just didn’t seem as bad at that very moment. There was a hand resting on the back of his neck. Almost as if sensing the stress that Dick’s heart was going through at that moment, Slade had rested his hand on Dick’s neck. The man wasn’t even looking at him, just still reading his paper. But that hand was more than enough to say that he was aware and knew what Dick was thinking and feeling – and that he was there for Dick.

Warmth flooded through Dick; starting at his neck and slipping down his back, all the way down to his toes – the warmth filling every section of his body and soul. Newfound courage began to fill Dick, all gathered from the warmth that the hand produced; but really from the fact that he had someone watching over him who cared.

One who actually cared a lot.

Dick touched pen to paper.

Dear Bruce,

There are so many things I want to say and yet, somehow they get jumbled up in my mind, only to be lost to me. I have a lot of mixed feelings about us. I’m so thankful that you took me in when I had no one. Sometimes I think you just did it out of duty and responsibility, and even if that’s the case, it’s okay. I’m still very thankful for that. You saved me from an orphanage. I know I’d be nowhere near where I am today without you.

That being said, I have to say I hate the way we parted. I’m mad, hurt, and lonely because of what happened. I know you were just trying to be protective of me, but you were also suffocating me. You wanted to take away the very thing that kept me sane and alive. When you fired me and said there was no more Batman and Robin, that I wasn’t needed, it broke my heart. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to get over that.

To be honest, I had really hoped you would come back to Jump City to drag my butt back to Gotham.

But you never came. I was waiting and waiting for you, but you never came. I’ll admit, I cried when I realized you weren’t coming for me. But I understand, though, that you probably had a lot on your plate in Gotham City. I know you have people to protect and they’re counting on you. You’re Batman, after all.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that we clash a bit too much. You’re more aloof than I am, more of a loner. No matter how much I want to reach out to you, there are times that I feel you’re just not capable of reaching out to me in return.

And in the beginning of this recent capture, I did wonder at times if you were even looking for me. If you weren’t, don’t tell me. I rather think of you in a better light. I honestly don’t think I could bear the thought that you never once tried to look for me.

I really hope you don’t take this all the wrong way. It’s just been a long journey and I’ve taken the time to see the poor choices I’ve made in my life. I’ve done some pretty stupid things and disobeying you was one of them. I was the child and you were the adult. I should’ve listened. For that, I’m really sorry. I really should’ve trusted your judgment.

There are a few things that I’ve learned I need to change. Sadly, they’re things I’ve learned from you. But because of them, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I destroyed the trust of my team. Keeping secrets, avoiding trusting others, work driven, these things are good, but you need a balance. I just wasn’t able to keep that balance. I ended up pushing away my friends in my drive. And you know, I had been so determined to prove to you that friends didn’t drag you down or put you in danger.

Instead, I ended up dragging them down. If I ever get the chance again to be the leader of the Teen Titans, I know I’ll be a better leader now. I’m not going to keep secrets any more. I’m going to trust my team members better next time. Well, if there is a next time.

There’s something else that I’ve learned. The strict line of Hero and Villain is a deception. There are no heroes and there are no villains. There are only people who make good choices or poor choices. We all do it. We all make our good choices and we all make our poor choices. It’s the collection of our choices that shows who we are as a person. I truly hope that I’ll be able to collect far better choices in the future. I’ve made enough poor choices to last me a lifetime. But since I’m human, like everyone else, I’ll probably make more. Hopefully, I’ll be able to catch myself before I fall in too deep.

Speaking of choices, I’ve made a really important one. To some people, they’d think it’s crazy or stupid. But that’s because they don’t know what I know. Yes, I’m talking about the adoption. Knowing you, you probably know that Slade Wilson is Slade or Deathstroke, the very man that kidnapped me seven months ago.

It’s a long story, a really amazing one. It shows that everyone can change. I’ve seen it for myself or I wouldn’t have believed it. I’ve watched these past months the change that I’ve undergone and the one that Slade has undergone. I think we’re better people because of it. Everything is better now. You might think I’m crazy and you’re probably right. But I’m not under any trauma, though. I’ve made this decision all on my own. I wasn’t forced. Actually, choosing to accept Slade’s offer to adopt me was the one thing he gave me a choice on. But I had already said yes long before he offered. My mind isn’t playing tricks on me and my heart is too strong to be deceived. I know what I see and I know what I feel.

Slade and I, we care about each other now. Despite who he is and who I am, we’ve come to an understanding like no other. I believe the future has nothing but bright times ahead. Sure, there are some things the two of us have to work out, but that’s a problem I’ve taken on by accepting this man as my father. I know that it’ll all work out. I won’t lose myself. That’s what family is all about, after all.

Yes, he did hurt me during the first month, I’ll admit that. But he changed for the better and I’ve accepted that. Yes, he’s taken me away from the world for a time, but to be honest, now that I know what I’ve received from it, I’d go through it all over again. The end was worth it. Coming to this understanding is a precious gift to me. I’ll never regret it.

In some ways, Slade and I have reached something I don’t think you and I could’ve, but that doesn’t mean I never wanted to. I did. I wanted to connect with you more, but it just wasn’t fate. It looks like a different destiny was prepared for me and I have to say that I truly am thankful for it.

Bruce, I want to tell you that I am eternally grateful to you. Because of you, I was saved from a bad fate. My education would’ve been stunted probably. I would’ve been angry at the world and my parents’ killer. My heart would’ve turn black with my hatred. You took me in and channeled that hate right out of me. I did know in my heart right from wrong, but you reminded me. I would’ve forgotten my mother’s words and they are too precious to forget.

I’m doing well. I’m doing great, actually. I’m so happy, you can’t even begin to imagine. I’ve got a few things I still need to work out with Slade, but I have no doubt that everything will be wonderful from here on out. I still have my hopes and dreams. Just because I have a new father doesn’t mean my heart has changed in my aspirations.

I just have someone to help, protect, and guide me along the way, someone I can lean on. Not just physically, but emotionally, too.

Thank you so much for everything.

Dick

Tears were freely streaming down Dick’s face by the end of writing Bruce’s letter. He had to be very careful not to let the hot droplets slip onto the paper. Dick was eternally thankful that the hand on his neck never left. It anchored him. He needed it so much and he was very grateful that such things were coming more and more easily for Slade. He knew the man wasn’t exactly a cuddly guy – that’d probably be frightening; but then again, Dick would love it. Luckily, the man still did show forth affection in small simple ways and Dick always soaked them up happily like a dry sponge.

Maybe soon, Dick could train the man to start initiating hugs, but that might put the man into an overload – probably.

If he had thought he’d put his heart into Starfire’s letter, Bruce’s letter proved him wrong. All the pain of the past had surfaced as he wrote. But then, as he wrote down each word, the pain seemed to slip away; his soul finally releasing those old wounds. His tears seemed to finally release all that bottled pain that he had stored inside his heart. The scars were now healing with a cleansing swipe. He could’ve never articulated this in person, but as the pen ink flowed beneath his hand, the words flowed from his heart with ease.

There was so much that amazed him. Dick could visibly see his own growth in this letter alone. A year ago, he would’ve never been able to write this. He would’ve felt the pain, the irreparable wound, the solitude in a far too overpowering feeling. He’d never be able to admit his faults, his weaknesses, or the things he could do better. The only area he ever pushed himself to become better had always been physically; pushing his body to its limits so that he could become a better fighter.

But becoming a better person, a better leader hadn’t ever crossed his mind. Never would he had admitted that he needed to depend on other people and especially not an adult. But that was because he had never truly had one there for him during the years he needed one the most.

What did the future hold now? What kind of man would he become now? If he hadn’t experienced this, would he have become like a mini Bruce? A reclusive, work driven, serious guy who never really depended on the hearts of others?

But the more Dick saw the difference, the more he didn’t want that. He wanted to rely on others. He wanted to need others. He loved his friends. He wanted to be with them, work with them, play with them, grow with them, develop into the adults that they were meant to become. He also wanted to learn more things from Slade. More than anything, he wanted to make this man proud.

Hopefully, Slade would one day allow Dick to become who he was meant to be. Slade had changed, had come this far with him, after all; thus, anything was possible.

Wasn’t it?

Dick collected the six letters together, feeling their weight for a moment. So much heart resided inside these letters; he knew he put a lot into them. In the back of his mind as he wrote them, he knew that Slade would read them. He wasn’t afraid of what he felt or what he had to say. Perhaps they would even touch the man’s heart. Dick knew it was possible.

But that certainly didn’t mean he wanted to watch the man read them.

The boy slid the completed letters to Slade; looking up at him with glistening eyes. Slade wordlessly accepted them.

“Thanks for letting me write these and sending them for me,” said Dick, truly looking grateful. Slade noticed there were trails of tears on the boy’s face. “I’m going to go to my room for a few minutes, is that okay? I’ll be back soon for lunch.”

Slade nodded quietly and withdrew his hand. Dick gave him a soft smile and stood up; turning away to walk down the hallway and out of sight.

Slade had watched the boy out of the corner of his eye as he wrote those letters. It intrigued him. The facial expression on Dick’s face changed and flittered constantly. He went from happy, to concerned, to sad, to worried, to fearful, and then finally to a strong, powerful stance – even through the overflowing tears. Slade noticed the strength that entered the boy’s eyes once he was done, almost as if he had been completely renewed.

Slade looked at the first letter. He doubted that the boy put any hidden messages inside these letters. The emotions that had flashed over the boy’s face was more than enough to tell Slade that. But the boy had said that he could read them and so Slade didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t.

The first letter surprised him. It was to the alien girl, Starfire. Slade was amazed by how much Dick revealed his feelings to the girl. He was honest and open about himself. Slade had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. The boy probably fancied her in a romantic sense; though, the boy probably didn’t even know it yet. Somehow Slade couldn’t help the panic that started to eat at his chest. He was not ready for that kind of stuff. No, for the love of all that was holy, no!

Slade’s hands trembled against the paper once he reached the second to last paragraph. He knew the boy had a huge heart, but reading it in black and white was quite humbling. Could Slade say the same thing? He hadn’t been one to say such things easily with his first family. What made him think he could do so now? Besides, Slade wasn’t sure what to make of everything. Yes, the boy was his son now. Yes, he cared about the boy.

But love?

Slade set the letter aside, a little unnerved by it; but completely impressed by it nonetheless.

As Slade read the next few letters to the other Titans and the bat’s butler, Slade noticed that Starfire was the only one of his four friends that the boy had signed his real name. The more he read, the more Slade was impressed by the boy’s character. Slade always knew Dick was a strong kid, but he was now overcome by the knowledge that he wasn’t just athletically or mentally strong; the boy was also emotionally strong. A powerful sense of pride filled Slade’s chest. He knew it wasn’t through his working with the boy that made him like that, but Slade was still proud of him.

Were those fatherly feelings already in such working order now?

Slade glared at the letter to Bruce for a few moments. For some reason, anytime that bat was mentioned, something inside Slade twisted in his gut. It just irked him. Thus, he was left glaring at the letter; willing it to combust into flames. Too bad he didn’t have that ability. But Dick would also be very upset if his letter had been set ablaze.

But it still didn’t stop Slade from briefly imagining it.

However, as Slade started reading the letter, he was grateful he didn’t have such a power. It would’ve been a terrible waste. There was so much heart and feeling in this letter; Slade was shocked by the contents. He could feel the pain that Dick expressed, but he could also see the maturity that the boy held. Yet again, Slade was thoroughly impressed with it.

Slade swallowed, overcome with a bout of emotion of his own as he set the finished letter down. He was amazed by Dick’s words about the two of them. There was such strength and belief in them. The boy truly did look forward to a bright future for them – expected it, desired it, needed it. Slade was also very aware that the boy was depending on him to be there for him with anything and everything.

Dick fully saw Slade as his father now.

Slade stood up and quickly walked down the hallway; leaving behind the letters that held so much feeling, so much beauty. As Slade came to Dick’s door, he heard the soft sound of crying. Slade gently opened the door without a sound, slipping into the room silently. Dick was sitting on his bed, his knees curled to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. His head was face down into his knees; his shoulders shaking lightly from his sobs.

Slade quietly walked to the bed and softly sat down on the edge next to Dick. There was a small intake of breath in surprise as Dick’s head popped up. His crystal blue eyes were glistening with his tears; his long black eyelashes wet and shimmering with cries. Dick quickly rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes; trying to clear any reminder that he’d been crying.

“Wha—” Dick hiccupped once, followed up by a deep blush that rose in his face. He hid his face in his hands as if completely embarrassed by his sobs. There was a long moment, before the boy’s voice was heard again.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be—” There was another hiccup before Dick hurried to clear his face of his tears. He continued to keep his face hidden. Then, after a moment, he whispered softly, “Wha–what are you doing in here?”

“I read your letters.”

“Oh…”

“I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine.”

Slade tilted his head to the side, a smirk lifting his lips. He took a hand and gently set it beneath Dick’s chin. He slowly, but gently, forced the boy to look up at him.

“I don’t believe you,” breathed Slade.

Dick averted his eyes and then shrugged.

“I really am fine,” whispered Dick, further tears slipping down his cheeks. “I shouldn’t be crying. It’s silly to cry.”

The boy fell quiet; his breathing shuddering at times from his soft sobs. Despite the strength that Slade had seen the boy gather when he finished writing the letters, it was more than obvious that the boy was emotionally spent – drained beyond anything.

Slade maneuvered himself onto the bed; leaning against the back of the bed at the wall. He placed his hand onto the boy’s back and began to soothingly rub him. He just remained there, giving Dick what Slade knew he always wanted and needed: a gentle hand.

“It’s okay to cry, Dick.”

There was a shuddering relief that flowed over Dick. He set his chin onto his knees and closed his eyes. His breathing calmed and the tears stopped completely. Slade didn’t move, keeping his rubbing hand on the boy’s back. He let Dick soak up the comfort that he so desperately needed and most definitely deserved.

And Slade was more than content to give it to him.

ooOOOOOoo

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